Hocus-Pocus Conditional Physics-101

What we'll sooner or later need are some of those hocus-pocus
conditional laws of physics, just like what supposedly had us
walking moonsuit butt-naked on that physically dark and nasty
moon of ours.

If there's anything more taboo/nondisclosure rated than our moon,
Venus or Sirius, it has got to be those pesky NEOs that could
seriously nail most of our butts. It's not a matter of if, but
that of when.

-start pun-

How To Fight An Asteroid - The Bush Plan / by; kT


http://mygate.mailgate.org/mynews/sci/sci.space.history/ac%25Bh.23$Cz4.1%40newsfe03.lga?order=smart&email= bradguth%40yahoo.com&p=1/9


http://groups.google.com/group/sci.s...6353d44d43f3d1
The Bush plan:

"Tell the goddamned thing to change it's way, or else. All options are
on the table. AFTER it changes it's way, we can talk. This is cosmic
blackmail, and the people of the United States and freedom-loving people
everywhere will not tolerate it. I ask the rest of the peace-loving
nations of the world to join me in seeking to remove this against this
threat to our democratic way of life!"

Asteroid keeps coming. A UN investigation shows that it has no chance of
hitting Earth. 77 nations propose nudging the asteroid into an even
wider orbit.

"If the Rest Of the World isn't going to take care of this, the United
States in the interest of peace and freedom will have to do it on it's
own!"

UN says the asteroid is going to miss by an even wider margin than
previously calculated. More nations suggest that the US plan could
result in disaster, and that the asteroid is not going to hit Earth.
Grade-school kids in India with 32 cent calculators are figuring out the
orbit as part of an arithmetic class, put it somewhere more kilometers
past Earth than their calculators have digits. Rock-throwing
Palestinians calculate that orbit to be somewhere on the other side of
the Moon.

"Sanctions will not work against a brutal and cruel asteroid which does
not care about consequences to itself. I asd the UN to join with me in
forming a Coalition of the Bribed and then Willing to deal with this
menace in the only language it understands."

Bush and 14 other nations work together to confront the asteroid. Three
of them send troops with bicycle pumps to keep the tires of HumVees
inflated, not being aware of how they work. Six more send dates, figs
and cigarettes for the rest of the folks, and the five remaining send
along drivers trained to drive on the right side of the road to assist
in support.

"I have directed the Armed Forces of the Unites States, with the
assistance of NASA, to confront this evil threat in the only way it will
understand. Bring it on!"

So, Bush blows it into a bazillion pieces, many of which are now on
their way to strike Earth. Some will miss for now, preferring to make it
on another pass. As predicted by Saudi Arabian camel jockeys who watch
the stars at night.

"I've had to make the tough decisions. They have no plan of their own.
It's easy to criticize." Now that it's a mess, Bush attacks his critics,
and demands more and more weapons to vaporize every little bit of the
asteroid.

Shortly afterward, the Earth passes through a cloud of very radioactive
debris which makes the damage to WTC look like a pea-shooter attack on
an armored car. The atmosphere is polluted, cities wiped out, fires rage
around the world, oxygen is being depleted, and it's getting cold.

"I told you so!" Bush makes a speech from his bunker, which is supplied
with fresh air and food for those essential for the functioning of the
American government, including Laura and Barney. It is stocked with
100,000 cases of cheap booze for the kids. After all, in a couple of
years search parties can go get more. "I told you that was a vicious
asteroid with only one thing in mind - the destruction of our way of
life!"

With their dying breaths, Conservative applaud.

-end pun-

Seriously folks, I simply love it. The NASA anti-NEO "Bush Plan" that
so absolutely fits into his born again faith-based Skull and Bones
puppet mindset. Between his butt-cheek brains and the tight butt-crack
of such quail hunting instincts of his trigger happy Dick Cheney. Just
like Iraq, how the hell could we possibly lose?

Please, whatever you do, don't tell anyone (especially not our resident
LLPOF warlord Bush) about the alternative of safely terminating such
NEOs once and for all, by way of simply diverting those nasty suckers
into encountering our good for nothing but global warming moon.
-
Brad Guth


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