Global Warming? Not to worry. George knows best.

The notoriously panic-mongering New York Times today
ran a pathetic attempt to frighten us god-fearing bible
clutchers, titled "A Record Amazon Drought, and Fear of
Wider Ills". This was a transparent effort to destabilize family
values, further the agenda of liberal-pinko deviates hell-bent
on sabotaging the most delightful trickle-down economy this
end of the Milky Way, and purvey the insidious notion that
something called "global warming" is afoot, and that it's all
to be placed at the feet of some of the most obscenely rich
(and therefore sanctified) industrialists ever to grace an
admiring world.

My eyes tear up in gratitude as I take up the defense of
these slandered Croesuses, who, we cannot doubt, shall
more easily enter the gates of Heaven than a camel might
skinny through the eye of a needle. For as we all know and
have been repeatedly assured: There IS no global warming!
Or if there is: it's natural! And even if we ARE causing it, it's
GOOD FOR US! Such heartwarming data-spin, ladled out
to us since Reagan, like barely cooked pork links, has
reached a happy perfection in our own and dearest, Pres-
ident George.

He has rightly pointed out that any strong and timely action
to reverse the looming global warming disaster, which exists
merely in the twisted minds of thousands of godless scientists
around the world, will surely harm our economy, which trans-
lates especially into a significant and painful wallet shrinkage
for our and God's beloved super-rich.

But fear not, gentle reader, for all is well since we need not
worry our pretty little heads over such trifles. For not only
does God speak to President George, He speaks through
President George. How do we know this to be true? Because
George told us so and surely then this ranks up near the Ten
Commandments.

Because, as our glittering and untainted success story in Iraq
tells us daily, and indeed the very esteem and love in which this
nation is now held in all the nations of the world reassures us,
President George would never ever even think of lying or
misleading. God forbid!!

Do I hear a motion for canonization?