'Class Clown' Carlin - More Theist Than Atheist

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I sure enjoyed watching the George Carlin marathon on HBO
last week. Eleven uncensored comedy specials, listed he

1) George Carlin at USC - 1977
2) George Carlin Again! - 1978
3) Carlin at Carnegie - 1983
4) Carlin on Campus - 1984
5) Playin' with Your Head - 1986
6) What Am I Doing in New Jersey? - 1988
7) Doin' It Again - 1990
8) Jammin' in New York - 1992
9) Back in Town - 1996
10) You Are All Diseased - 1999
11) It's Bad for Ya - 2008

I always loved Carlin, ever since his 'Class Clown' album
of 1972, with the famous Seven Words You Can Never Say on
Television, namely (politely misspelled) Chit, ****, Fvck,
Cvnt, Cocksvcker, Motherfvcker, and Tits.

My favorite live performance of Carlin was Jammin' in New
York, 1992, though it's like trying to pick your favorite
The Beatles album, they're all absolutely great (but if I
had to pick one, I'd say 'Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club
Band', which I first heard on the AM transistor radio out
in 'Fr'isco approaching the summer of '67...groovy, baby).

George Carlin's 1992 Paramount Theater gig on the grounds
of Madison Square Garden was of particular interest to me,
since that's the time he stated "I don't believe anything
the government tells me", which I've properly paraphrased
as "everything the government tells me is a lie", meaning
the same thing. I didn't realize it at the time, but this
axiomatic statement of Carlin's, that the U.S. Government
always lies to the public about everything, not just some
things but absolutely everything, proved self-evident, as
have a lot of other statements Carlin made over the years.

Carefully watching this back-to-back, two-night (12-hours)
George Carlin HBO marathon reminded me of a lot which I'd
forgotten. I mean I'd seen these HBO comedy specials when
they'd originally aired, but in hindsight I simply wasn't
mature enough to comprehend what George Carlin was really
saying, the always-tragic consequences of human stupidity,
which, as Albert Einstein wittily observed, is "infinite".

For example, I hadn't realized Carlin predicted the quote
"collapse of the economy" -- and he rightly gloated about
it with a smile on his face "won't bother me!", referring
to the greedy, warmongering bankers, brokers, politicians,
lawyers, corporate executives, robber barons, antichrists
etc. I believe Carlin's soul went directly into the Light
when he died, himself having been more Theist i.e. honest,
than most so-called "Christians", "Catholics", ad nauseam.

Carlin even acknowledged the great worldwide flood, which
surprised me given his characteristic condescending views
of the bible. But I don't blame him for it, as he admitted
himself, he'd been a Catholic! It's like what "Joe Friday"
(as brilliantly created and played by Jack Webb) liked to
say about ganja, something like "I judge marijuana by the
company it keeps." Same goes for the bible. Few who claim
to be "Christians" have actually read the bible, and fewer
still actually agree with the testimony of Jesus, and with
Moses and the Prophets, all of whom testified to the Light.

In a society where people go to Church, Synagogue, Mosque
("God gets a three-day weekend"), then they're right back
to the old grindstone of Antichristism, the love of mammon,
of lies, of murder, of hypocrisy, of inhumanity, injustice
and inequality, of war, of profit--the Atheist bottom line,
it's no wonder Carlin held a far less than enlightened view
of the bible, seeing that those who claim it as their good
book seldom if ever follow the Commandments written therein.
They damned-sure haven't paid attention to the testimony of
Jesus, for if they had they would've repented of their sins.
We see they have not, but only wax worse and worse, living
and dying proof that so-called "Christians" are not at all,
but are Antichrists, Atheists, man, oblivious to the Light.

When Carlin was talking about the homeless, and converting
golf courses into low-cost, government-subsidized housing
communities, he sarcastically said something to the effect
that "No, we can't do that, that sounds too much like what
Christ would do!" You see, Carlin was in truth a Theist at
heart because he spoke the truth--most of the time anyways.

Back to the collapsing economy. There's no denying it, the
economy is collapsing, and those who are most worried about
it are people who have money. Whereas, the poor wage-slaves,
the unemployed/under-employed, homeless and the soon-to-be-
homeless, don't care, because the poor have nothing to lose
but their penniless lives. When us poor people turn on CNN,
FNC, MSNBC, CNBC, ad nauseam, we hear Atheistic propaganda,
typically from millionaires, and a few billionaires (maybe
a trillionaire or two for all we know?), whining, worrying,
arguing and getting angry about the falling dollar, losing
money hand over fist. Like George Carlin said: "Fvck 'em!"
I totally concur. I do pray incessantly that the US Dollar
falls to zero, and all these money-grubbing Americans lose
their God-Damned shirts! Jesus, and Moses and the Prophets,
warned them in no uncertain terms *NOT* to worship gods of
gold and gods of silver, *NOT* to worship mammon, *NOT* to
worship the Molten Calf, but to fear God: and stop sinning!
But did they listen to Jesus or Moses? HELL NO THEY DIDN'T!

And no wonder, as Jesus, and Moses and the Prophets, said,
the Atheists never hear--much less heed--the dire warnings,
not even if anyone were resurrected from the dead. The fact
is Antichrists always remain unrepentant of their atrocious
abominations to the bitter end. Antichrists always live in
sin, and die unrepentant, then lift up their eyes in Outer
Darkness, Dark Limbo, in abject *terror*, seeing the Light
from afar off, on the wrong side of the impassable abyssal
where they are forced to see their long-dormant CONSCIENCE
in superconscious clarity! And if this isn't excruciating
enough (believe me it is, I've been there, and I wouldn't
wish it on my worst enemy, but alas, Atheists never listen
to the warnings, but always learn the hard way, too little
too late), the Atheists are faced with the grim spectre of
future Judgment waiting for them in the Light, seeing that
they must again mortally incarnate (a.k.a. re-incarnation)
and reap exactly what they've sown: those who lived by the
sword, in the same manner they shall die by the sword, and
those who'd led into captivity, similarly they are led into
captivity, unto the third and fourth generation of Atheists,
all just like the bible says. You see, "Christians" haven't
actually read the bible. If they had they would've repented.

And once they accept their lamentable fate, and cross over
into the Light, they quickly forget that Kronos is ticking
down the hours to their next mortal incarnation, when they
are kicked out of heaven to be born alive into the lake of
Fire. And when this happens, when we are informed that the
time for us to be cast down from heaven rapidly approaches,
that a newborn infant awaits our soul (after sojourning in
the heavens, in the City of Delight on Mt. Olympus, hidden
in the Dark cloud) we forget *why* we are being banished to
to a life of mortal servitude, of struggling, suffering and
dying _because_ of our karmic indebtedness, unpaid debts to
the third part, waxing contemptuous, "what did I do wrong?",
but always in vain, because the Judge passes True Judgment,
and Sentence is executed. This is _exactly_ how it happens,
death, unto the second death, amid the battle of Armageddon
fought in the Air, i.e. the superconscious, between rushing
forth and returning, in heaven, upon earth and subterranean,
the tension in the Air, the great battle in heaven, verily,
the war of ten sidereal years, hence the ten Centuries, by
the zodiacal elements four each, altogether fifth, as above
so below. As best I can discern, it's the fragile human ego
which prevents the Fallen from seeing this apocalyptically,
the veil so thin, yet more than enough to blind the Atheist
i.e. from seeing the eye of the Sky within thus manifesting
without, all things being added, temporized reflection with
the Luminaries, then imperfect, all to the issue of it. See?

I really did try my best to warn the Atheists, Anti-Christs,
Americans, Christians, Jews, Muslims, Agnostics, hypocrites,
the rich and the powerful, the potentates and kings, of the
earth, and the merchants made rich by the harlot of Babylon,
and her negotiators, the diplomats, & foreign "dignitaries",
all men image of the beast-worshippers, all lovers of power
and cupidity, the self-interested, and brainwashed, the bit,
banished, and misled, that the clear-writing is on the Wall.

But I guess the usenet has proven to be no productive forum
for communication with the rich and powerful, the Americans,
the Damned, who own and control the world with an iron fist.
They're fast losing ownership, and fast losing control, and
fast losing their tempers thus giving the poor something to
celebrate. We've been praying to God for the destruction of
the United States, and by Jove! it appears as though that's
actually happening. I just feel sorry for the children, who
are too naive to understand what is happening, and why it's
happening. But at least we can take solace that Antichrists'
Empire of sinning against God is on the brink of Armageddon.
__________________________________________________ _________

In closing, George Carlin was right-on about a lot of things
(among of the most talented comedians since Chaplin, I'd say).
And if you can overlook his worldly cynicism, you'll find he
expressed some very keen insights into the hopeless state of
the world i.e. in stark contrast to what it might've been if
not for the root of all evil, i.e. even them which crucified
Hope at Calvary in 31 AD. If not for the evils of this world,
Carlin wouldn't have found fodder to fuel his stellar career.

You see, Hope is with God. Whereas, this world is without God,
ergo without Hope, unjust men little or not at all conforming
to the superior aspect of Venus, Justice. Fallen men are born
unjust, born to rush forth in sin, born as brutes essentially
born to die, coarse, low, diseased, rebellious, to the extent
that Armageddon is manifesting into the world, into world war
unto the end of the world, i.e. not "the war to end all wars",
but the war and all manner of Apocalyptic plagues to end the
world, the end of the whole human race, were it not for some
modicum of the elect humans who more conform to the superior.

You could see Carlin's cynicism progressively more pronounced
with each of the aforecited eleven HBO comedy specials, until
he realized that people who are brainwashed cannot be reached,
they cannot be saved. Thank God they die. They all die, every
God-damned last one of them...a ray of Hope here in Hell Fire.

Armageddon Cometh,
Daniel Joseph Min
http://www.angelfire.com/moon2/danieljosephmin/
--
I do not subscribe to usenet newsgroups. Reply
via email, mailto:danieljosephmin@**PRIVATE**


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__________________________________________________ __________
Internet Security Software - Click here.
http://thirdpartyoffers.netzero.net/...MHWrC2P ujaD/

On Jun 29, 3:51 pm, (Anonymous
Remailer) wrote:
-----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE-----

I sure enjoyed watching the George Carlin marathon on HBO
last week. Eleven uncensored comedy specials, listed he

1) George Carlin at USC - 1977
2) George Carlin Again! - 1978
3) Carlin at Carnegie - 1983
4) Carlin on Campus - 1984
5) Playin' with Your Head - 1986
6) What Am I Doing in New Jersey? - 1988
7) Doin' It Again - 1990
8) Jammin' in New York - 1992
9) Back in Town - 1996
10) You Are All Diseased - 1999
11) It's Bad for Ya - 2008

I always loved Carlin, ever since his 'Class Clown' album
of 1972, with the famous Seven Words You Can Never Say on
Television, namely (politely misspelled) Chit, ****, Fvck,
Cvnt, Cocksvcker, Motherfvcker, and Tits.

My favorite live performance of Carlin was Jammin' in New
York, 1992, though it's like trying to pick your favorite
The Beatles album, they're all absolutely great (but if I
had to pick one, I'd say 'Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club
Band', which I first heard on the AM transistor radio out
in 'Fr'isco approaching the summer of '67...groovy, baby).

George Carlin's 1992 Paramount Theater gig on the grounds
of Madison Square Garden was of particular interest to me,
since that's the time he stated "I don't believe anything
the government tells me", which I've properly paraphrased
as "everything the government tells me is a lie", meaning
the same thing. I didn't realize it at the time, but this
axiomatic statement of Carlin's, that the U.S. Government
always lies to the public about everything, not just some
things but absolutely everything, proved self-evident, as
have a lot of other statements Carlin made over the years.

Carefully watching this back-to-back, two-night (12-hours)
George Carlin HBO marathon reminded me of a lot which I'd
forgotten. I mean I'd seen these HBO comedy specials when
they'd originally aired, but in hindsight I simply wasn't
mature enough to comprehend what George Carlin was really
saying, the always-tragic consequences of human stupidity,
which, as Albert Einstein wittily observed, is "infinite".

For example, I hadn't realized Carlin predicted the quote
"collapse of the economy" -- and he rightly gloated about
it with a smile on his face "won't bother me!", referring
to the greedy, warmongering bankers, brokers, politicians,
lawyers, corporate executives, robber barons, antichrists
etc. I believe Carlin's soul went directly into the Light
when he died, himself having been more Theist i.e. honest,
than most so-called "Christians", "Catholics", ad nauseam.

Carlin even acknowledged the great worldwide flood, which
surprised me given his characteristic condescending views
of the bible. But I don't blame him for it, as he admitted
himself, he'd been a Catholic! It's like what "Joe Friday"
(as brilliantly created and played by Jack Webb) liked to
say about ganja, something like "I judge marijuana by the
company it keeps." Same goes for the bible. Few who claim
to be "Christians" have actually read the bible, and fewer
still actually agree with the testimony of Jesus, and with
Moses and the Prophets, all of whom testified to the Light.

In a society where people go to Church, Synagogue, Mosque
("God gets a three-day weekend"), then they're right back
to the old grindstone of Antichristism, the love of mammon,
of lies, of murder, of hypocrisy, of inhumanity, injustice
and inequality, of war, of profit--the Atheist bottom line,
it's no wonder Carlin held a far less than enlightened view
of the bible, seeing that those who claim it as their good
book seldom if ever follow the Commandments written therein.
They damned-sure haven't paid attention to the testimony of
Jesus, for if they had they would've repented of their sins.
We see they have not, but only wax worse and worse, living
and dying proof that so-called "Christians" are not at all,
but are Antichrists, Atheists, man, oblivious to the Light.

When Carlin was talking about the homeless, and converting
golf courses into low-cost, government-subsidized housing
communities, he sarcastically said something to the effect
that "No, we can't do that, that sounds too much like what
Christ would do!" You see, Carlin was in truth a Theist at
heart because he spoke the truth--most of the time anyways.

Back to the collapsing economy. There's no denying it, the
economy is collapsing, and those who are most worried about
it are people who have money. Whereas, the poor wage-slaves,
the unemployed/under-employed, homeless and the soon-to-be-
homeless, don't care, because the poor have nothing to lose
but their penniless lives. When us poor people turn on CNN,
FNC, MSNBC, CNBC, ad nauseam, we hear Atheistic propaganda,
typically from millionaires, and a few billionaires (maybe
a trillionaire or two for all we know?), whining, worrying,
arguing and getting angry about the falling dollar, losing
money hand over fist. Like George Carlin said: "Fvck 'em!"
I totally concur. I do pray incessantly that the US Dollar
falls to zero, and all these money-grubbing Americans lose
their God-Damned shirts! Jesus, and Moses and the Prophets,
warned them in no uncertain terms *NOT* to worship gods of
gold and gods of silver, *NOT* to worship mammon, *NOT* to
worship the Molten Calf, but to fear God: and stop sinning!
But did they listen to Jesus or Moses? HELL NO THEY DIDN'T!

And no wonder, as Jesus, and Moses and the Prophets, said,
the Atheists never hear--much less heed--the dire warnings,
not even if anyone were resurrected from the dead. The fact
is Antichrists always remain unrepentant of their atrocious
abominations to the bitter end. Antichrists always live in
sin, and die unrepentant, then lift up their eyes in Outer
Darkness, Dark Limbo, in abject *terror*, seeing the Light
from afar off, on the wrong side of the impassable abyssal
where they are forced to see their long-dormant CONSCIENCE
in superconscious clarity! And if this isn't excruciating
enough (believe me it is, I've been there, and I wouldn't
wish it on my worst enemy, but alas, Atheists never listen
to the warnings, but always learn the hard way, too little
too late), the Atheists are faced with the grim spectre of
future Judgment waiting for them in the Light, seeing that
they must again mortally incarnate (a.k.a. re-incarnation)
and reap exactly what they've sown: those who lived by the
sword, in the same manner they shall die by the sword, and
those who'd led into captivity, similarly they are led into
captivity, unto the third and fourth generation of Atheists,
all just like the bible says. You see, "Christians" haven't
actually read the bible. If they had they would've repented.

And once they accept their lamentable fate, and cross over
into the Light, they quickly forget that Kronos is ticking
down the hours to their next mortal incarnation, when they
are kicked out of heaven to be born alive into the lake of
Fire. And when this happens, when we are informed that the
time for us to be cast down from heaven rapidly approaches,
that a newborn infant awaits our soul (after sojourning in
the heavens, in the City of Delight on Mt. Olympus, hidden
in the Dark cloud) we forget *why* we are being banished to
to a life of mortal servitude, of struggling, suffering and
dying _because_ of our karmic indebtedness, unpaid debts to
the third part, waxing contemptuous, "what did I do wrong?",
but always in vain, because the Judge passes True Judgment,
and Sentence is executed. This is _exactly_ how it happens,
death, unto the second death, amid the battle of Armageddon
fought in the Air, i.e. the superconscious, between rushing
forth and returning, in heaven, upon earth and subterranean,
the tension in the Air, the great battle in heaven, verily,
the war of ten sidereal years, hence the ten Centuries, by
the zodiacal elements four each, altogether fifth, as above
so below. As best I can discern, it's the fragile human ego
which prevents the Fallen from seeing this apocalyptically,
the veil so thin, yet more than enough to blind the Atheist
i.e. from seeing the eye of the Sky within thus manifesting
without, all things being added, temporized reflection with
the Luminaries, then imperfect, all to the issue of it. See?

I really did try my best to warn the Atheists, Anti-Christs,
Americans, Christians, Jews, Muslims, Agnostics, hypocrites,
the rich and the powerful, the potentates and kings, of the
earth, and the merchants made rich by the harlot of Babylon,
and her negotiators, the diplomats, & foreign "dignitaries",
all men image of the beast-worshippers, all lovers of power
and cupidity, the self-interested, and brainwashed, the bit,
banished, and misled, that the clear-writing is on the Wall.

But I guess the usenet has proven to be no productive forum
for communication with the rich and powerful, the Americans,
the Damned, who own and control the world with an iron fist.
They're fast losing ownership, and fast losing control, and
fast losing their tempers thus giving the poor something to
celebrate. We've been praying to God for the destruction of
the United States, and by Jove! it appears as though that's
actually happening. I just feel sorry for the children, who
are too naive to understand what is happening, and why it's
happening. But at least we can take solace that Antichrists'
Empire of sinning against God is on the brink of Armageddon.
__________________________________________________ _________

In closing, George Carlin was right-on about a lot of things
(among of the most talented comedians since Chaplin, I'd say).
And if you can overlook his worldly cynicism, you'll find he
expressed some very keen insights into the hopeless state of
the world i.e. in stark contrast to what it might've been if
not for the root of all evil, i.e. even them which crucified
Hope at Calvary in 31 AD. If not for the evils of this world,
Carlin wouldn't have found fodder to fuel his stellar career.

You see, Hope is with God. Whereas, this world is without God,
ergo without Hope, unjust men little or not at all conforming
to the superior aspect of Venus, Justice. Fallen men are born
unjust, born to rush forth in sin, born as brutes essentially
born to die, coarse, low, diseased, rebellious, to the extent
that Armageddon is manifesting into the world, into world war
unto the end of the world, i.e. not "the war to end all wars",
but the war and all manner of Apocalyptic plagues to end the
world, the end of the whole human race, were it not for some
modicum of the elect humans who more conform to the superior.

You could see Carlin's cynicism progressively more pronounced
with each of the aforecited eleven HBO comedy specials, until
he realized that people who are brainwashed cannot be reached,
they cannot be saved. Thank God they die. They all die, every
God-damned last one of them...a ray of Hope here in Hell Fire.

Armageddon Cometh,
Daniel Joseph Min http://www.angelfire.com/moon2/danieljosephmin/
--
I do not subscribe to usenet newsgroups. Reply
via email, mailto:danieljosephmin@**PRIVATE**

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__________________________________________________ __________
Internet Security Software - Click here.http://thirdpartyoffers.netzero.net/...9vB6VcuEUjduqX...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MeSSwKffj9o

Jack Linthicum wrote:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MeSSwKffj9o

Please don't post all that crap again just to add your 1 line.

John.

John wrote, 29/06/2008 23:44:
Jack Linthicum wrote:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MeSSwKffj9o

Please don't post all that crap again just to add your 1 line.

John.

Don't post any of that crap to sci.archaeology

On Jun 29, 5:44 pm, John wrote:
Jack Linthicum wrote:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MeSSwKffj9o

Please don't post all that crap again just to add your 1 line.

John.

Why not just not post the bull**** about Carlin in the first place?
Carlin grew up on the same block without about three seminaries and
hated religion, including atheism, with a passion. It's not like you
are paying for the extra lines.

Jack Linthicum wrote:
On Jun 29, 5:44 pm, John wrote:
Jack Linthicum wrote:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MeSSwKffj9o
Please don't post all that crap again just to add your 1 line.

John.

Why not just not post the bull**** about Carlin in the first place?
Carlin grew up on the same block without about three seminaries and
hated religion, including atheism, with a passion. It's not like you
are paying for the extra lines.

You just don't understand the concept of newsgroups do you.

John.

"Anonymous Remailer" wrote in
message
acyfoundation.de...
-----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE-----

I sure enjoyed watching the George Carlin marathon on HBO
last week. Eleven uncensored comedy specials, listed he

1) George Carlin at USC - 1977
2) George Carlin Again! - 1978
3) Carlin at Carnegie - 1983
4) Carlin on Campus - 1984
5) Playin' with Your Head - 1986
6) What Am I Doing in New Jersey? - 1988
7) Doin' It Again - 1990
8) Jammin' in New York - 1992
9) Back in Town - 1996
10) You Are All Diseased - 1999
11) It's Bad for Ya - 2008

I always loved Carlin, ever since his 'Class Clown' album

But you are exactly the person and mentality Carlin hated. Go figure
farmboy.

"Jack Linthicum" wrote in message
...
On Jun 29, 5:44 pm, John wrote:
Jack Linthicum wrote:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MeSSwKffj9o

Please don't post all that crap again just to add your 1 line.

John.

Why not just not post the bull**** about Carlin in the first place?
Carlin grew up on the same block without about three seminaries and
hated religion, including atheism, with a passion. It's not like you
are paying for the extra lines.

It's for those who have killfiled that morphing idiot Min. They don't see
his cr*p unless someone responds.

On Jun 29, 3:11*pm, Jack Linthicum
wrote:
On Jun 29, 5:44 pm, John wrote:

Jack Linthicum wrote:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MeSSwKffj9o

Please don't post all that crap again just to add your 1 line.

John.

Why not just not post the bull**** about Carlin in the first place?
Carlin grew up on the same block without about three seminaries and
hated religion, including atheism, with a passion. It's not like you
are paying for the extra lines.


I think Carlin hated what Man has _done_ with God more than any time
he ever said 'I hate God'.

He wasn't against GOD, but Region.


TBerk

On Jul 2, 8:19 pm, TBerk wrote:
On Jun 29, 3:11 pm, Jack Linthicum
wrote:

On Jun 29, 5:44 pm, John wrote:

Jack Linthicum wrote:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MeSSwKffj9o

Please don't post all that crap again just to add your 1 line.

John.

Why not just not post the bull**** about Carlin in the first place?
Carlin grew up on the same block without about three seminaries and
hated religion, including atheism, with a passion. It's not like you
are paying for the extra lines.

I think Carlin hated what Man has _done_ with God more than any time
he ever said 'I hate God'.

He wasn't against GOD, but Region.

TBerk

I've begun worshipping the Sun for a number of reasons. First of all,
unlike some other gods I could mention, I can see the Sun. It's there
for me every day. And the things it brings me are quite apparent all
the time: heat, light, food, a lovely day. There's no mystery, no one
asks for money, I don't have to dress up, and there's no boring
pageantry. And interestingly enough, I have found that the prayers I
offer to the sun and the prayers I formerly offered to God are all
answered at about the same 50-percent rate.
-- George Carlin, Brain Droppings



I don't have any beliefs or allegiances. I don't believe in this
country, I don't believe in religion, or a god, and I don't believe in
all these man-made institutional ideas.
-- George Carlin, quoted from Reuters / Variety "Notable Quotes" for
April 25, 2001



The two big mistakes were the belief in a sky god -- that there's a
man in the sky with 10 things he doesn't want you to do and you'll
burn for a long time if you do them -- and private property, which I
think is at the core of our failure as a species. That's the source of
my indignations, my dissatisfactions, however it comes out on the
stage. I feel betrayed by the people I'm part of, these creatures,
these magnificent creatures.
-- George Carlin, Orange County Register, March 1997


George CarlinIn the Bull**** Department, a businessman can't hold a
candle to a clergyman. 'Cause I gotta tell you the truth, folks. When
it comes to bull****, big-time, major league bull****, you have to
stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and
exaggerated claims: religion. No contest. No contest. Religion.
Religion easily has the greatest bull**** story ever told.

Think about it. Religion has actually convinced people that
there's an invisible man -- living in the sky -- who watches
everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man
has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if
you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire
and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you
to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and
ever 'til the end of time!

But He loves you.

He loves you, and He needs money! He always needs money! He's all-
powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can't
handle money! Religion takes in billions of dollars, they pay no
taxes, and they always need a little more. Now, you talk about a good
bull**** story. Holy ****!
-- George Carlin Politically Incorrect, May 29, 1997

You know who I pray to? Joe Pesci. Joe Pesci. Two reasons; first of
all, I think he's a good actor. Okay. To me, that counts. Second; he
looks like a guy who can get things done. Joe Pesci doesn't ****
around. Doesn't **** around. In fact, Joe Pesci came through on a
couple of things that God was having trouble with. For years I asked
God to do something about my noisy neighbor with the barking dog. Joe
Pesci straightened that cock-sucker out with one visit.

George Carlin I noticed that of all the prayers I used to offer to
God, and all the prayers that I now offer to Joe Pesci, are being
answered at about the same 50 percent rate. Half the time I get what I
want. Half the time I don't. Same as God 50-50. Same as the four leaf
clover, the horse shoe, the rabbit's foot, and the wishing well. Same
as the mojo man. Same as the voodoo lady who tells your fortune by
squeezing the goat's testicles. It's all the same; 50-50. So just pick
your superstitions, sit back, make a wish and enjoy yourself.

And for those of you that look to the Bible for it's literary
qualities and moral lessons; I got a couple other stories I might like
to recommend for you. You might enjoy The Three Little Pigs. That's a
good one. It has a nice happy ending. Then there's Little Red Riding
Hood. Although it does have that one X-rated part where the Big Bad
Wolf actually eats the grandmother. Which I didn't care for, by the
way. And finally, I've always drawn a great deal of moral comfort from
Humpty Dumpty. The part I liked best: "and all the king's horses, and
all the king's men couldn't put Humpty together again." That's because
there is no Humpty Dumpty, and there is no God. None. Not one. Never
was. No God.
-- George Carlin (attributed: source unknown)

If this is the best God can do, I'm not impressed.
-- George Carlin, Napalm & Silly Putty (2001)