Dark Matter responsible for lack of virgins on Earth

The familiar refrain about "Something being in the water" to explain a spate
of local pregnancies, though said with humor, may just have the ring of
truth after all. Professor Waldo Schmedlock of the European Pan Theater of
Physical Operations has just released his ground breaking multi-year study
showing that there is a direct correlation between the local concentration
of dark matter particles on Earth, and the local pregnancy rate amongst area
virgins. Says Professor Schmedlock, "I was first clued into the
possibilities when my girlfriend became pregnant. She said she didn't know
what had happened. She insisted that she was a virgin." There is also a
direct correlation between certain activities that 'attract' the dark
matter, such as high school sports events and the virgins that attend them.
They go the games virgins, but mysteriously come back pregnant. No boy being
involved according the testimony of the cheerleaders involved. Parents,
insists the professor, may want to keep their young virgin daughters home at
night, especially during football games. Professor Schmedlock has a dire
warning for all virgins on earth: "Unfortunately this will only get worse.
As we approach the end of the Mayan calendar, 2012 is going to be an
especially bad year for virgins of all childbearing ages. There is an
especially high concentration of Dark Matter Particles near the equator of
the galaxy, which we are due to cross in the year 2012. No virgin will be
safe when this happens. This is an event which has never happened befo we
don't know just what the effects will be. Even Male virgins may be
affected".

When asked about the nature of Dark Matter, the professor said, "I haven't a
clue. It is a complete mystery to we in the scientific community."

Greysky

greysky wrote:
The familiar refrain about "Something being in the water" to explain a spate
of local pregnancies, though said with humor, may just have the ring of
truth after all. Professor Waldo Schmedlock of the European Pan Theater of
Physical Operations has just released his ground breaking multi-year study
showing that there is a direct correlation between the local concentration
of dark matter particles on Earth, and the local pregnancy rate amongst area
virgins. Says Professor Schmedlock, "I was first clued into the
possibilities when my girlfriend became pregnant. She said she didn't know
what had happened. She insisted that she was a virgin." There is also a
direct correlation between certain activities that 'attract' the dark
matter, such as high school sports events and the virgins that attend them.
They go the games virgins, but mysteriously come back pregnant. No boy being
involved according the testimony of the cheerleaders involved. Parents,
insists the professor, may want to keep their young virgin daughters home at
night, especially during football games. Professor Schmedlock has a dire
warning for all virgins on earth: "Unfortunately this will only get worse.
As we approach the end of the Mayan calendar, 2012 is going to be an
especially bad year for virgins of all childbearing ages. There is an
especially high concentration of Dark Matter Particles near the equator of
the galaxy, which we are due to cross in the year 2012. No virgin will be
safe when this happens. This is an event which has never happened befo we
don't know just what the effects will be. Even Male virgins may be
affected".

When asked about the nature of Dark Matter, the professor said, "I haven't a
clue. It is a complete mystery to we in the scientific community."

Greysky


The professor did it!

Double-A

"Double-A" wrote in message
ups.com...

greysky wrote:
The familiar refrain about "Something being in the water" to explain a
spate
of local pregnancies, though said with humor, may just have the ring of
truth after all. Professor Waldo Schmedlock of the European Pan Theater
of
Physical Operations has just released his ground breaking multi-year
study
showing that there is a direct correlation between the local
concentration
of dark matter particles on Earth, and the local pregnancy rate amongst
area
virgins. Says Professor Schmedlock, "I was first clued into the
possibilities when my girlfriend became pregnant. She said she didn't
know
what had happened. She insisted that she was a virgin." There is also a
direct correlation between certain activities that 'attract' the dark
matter, such as high school sports events and the virgins that attend
them.
They go the games virgins, but mysteriously come back pregnant. No boy
being
involved according the testimony of the cheerleaders involved. Parents,
insists the professor, may want to keep their young virgin daughters home
at
night, especially during football games. Professor Schmedlock has a dire
warning for all virgins on earth: "Unfortunately this will only get
worse.
As we approach the end of the Mayan calendar, 2012 is going to be an
especially bad year for virgins of all childbearing ages. There is an
especially high concentration of Dark Matter Particles near the equator
of
the galaxy, which we are due to cross in the year 2012. No virgin will be
safe when this happens. This is an event which has never happened befo
we
don't know just what the effects will be. Even Male virgins may be
affected".

When asked about the nature of Dark Matter, the professor said, "I
haven't a
clue. It is a complete mystery to we in the scientific community."

Greysky


The professor did it!

Double-A


Nahh, Double-A, I think it is the same dude who knocked up the Virgin Mary
way back when. He must be getting horny again after all these years,
prowling proms and football games in search of the elusive puss.

"Hagar" wrote in message
...

"Double-A" wrote in message
ups.com...

greysky wrote:
The familiar refrain about "Something being in the water" to explain a
spate
of local pregnancies, though said with humor, may just have the ring of
truth after all. Professor Waldo Schmedlock of the European Pan Theater
of
Physical Operations has just released his ground breaking multi-year
study
showing that there is a direct correlation between the local
concentration
of dark matter particles on Earth, and the local pregnancy rate amongst
area
virgins. Says Professor Schmedlock, "I was first clued into the
possibilities when my girlfriend became pregnant. She said she didn't
know
what had happened. She insisted that she was a virgin." There is also a
direct correlation between certain activities that 'attract' the dark
matter, such as high school sports events and the virgins that attend
them.
They go the games virgins, but mysteriously come back pregnant. No boy
being
involved according the testimony of the cheerleaders involved. Parents,
insists the professor, may want to keep their young virgin daughters
home at
night, especially during football games. Professor Schmedlock has a dire
warning for all virgins on earth: "Unfortunately this will only get
worse.
As we approach the end of the Mayan calendar, 2012 is going to be an
especially bad year for virgins of all childbearing ages. There is an
especially high concentration of Dark Matter Particles near the equator
of
the galaxy, which we are due to cross in the year 2012. No virgin will
be
safe when this happens. This is an event which has never happened
befo we
don't know just what the effects will be. Even Male virgins may be
affected".

When asked about the nature of Dark Matter, the professor said, "I
haven't a
clue. It is a complete mystery to we in the scientific community."

Greysky


The professor did it!

Double-A


Nahh, Double-A, I think it is the same dude who knocked up the Virgin Mary
way back when. He must be getting horny again after all these years,
prowling proms and football games in search of the elusive puss.


Then again,... It just might be Dark Matter. WillE1

nightbat wrote

WillE1 wrote:

"Hagar" wrote in message
...

"Double-A" wrote in message
roups.com...

greysky wrote:

The familiar refrain about "Something being in the water" to explain a
spate
of local pregnancies, though said with humor, may just have the ring of
truth after all. Professor Waldo Schmedlock of the European Pan Theater
of
Physical Operations has just released his ground breaking multi-year
study
showing that there is a direct correlation between the local
concentration
of dark matter particles on Earth, and the local pregnancy rate amongst
area
virgins. Says Professor Schmedlock, "I was first clued into the
possibilities when my girlfriend became pregnant. She said she didn't
know
what had happened. She insisted that she was a virgin." There is also a
direct correlation between certain activities that 'attract' the dark
matter, such as high school sports events and the virgins that attend
them.
They go the games virgins, but mysteriously come back pregnant. No boy
being
involved according the testimony of the cheerleaders involved. Parents,
insists the professor, may want to keep their young virgin daughters
home at
night, especially during football games. Professor Schmedlock has a dire
warning for all virgins on earth: "Unfortunately this will only get
worse.
As we approach the end of the Mayan calendar, 2012 is going to be an
especially bad year for virgins of all childbearing ages. There is an
especially high concentration of Dark Matter Particles near the equator
of
the galaxy, which we are due to cross in the year 2012. No virgin will
be
safe when this happens. This is an event which has never happened
befo we
don't know just what the effects will be. Even Male virgins may be
affected".

When asked about the nature of Dark Matter, the professor said, "I
haven't a
clue. It is a complete mystery to we in the scientific community."

Greysky


The professor did it!

Double-A


Nahh, Double-A, I think it is the same dude who knocked up the Virgin Mary
way back when. He must be getting horny again after all these years,
prowling proms and football games in search of the elusive puss.



Then again,... It just might be Dark Matter. WillE1

nightbat

This is very troubling for there are very few known modern of
legal age virgins as it is let alone now being apparently deflowered by
dark matter particles, oh mercy! Profound, very profound, of this
referenced Professor's report. Well we certainly can't blame the fun
coffeeboys for this one because the findings point to dark matter.
Hmmmm, the reported net Sean Space virgins must have special anti matter
shields to help protect themselves.

ponder on,
the nightbat

nightbat wrote:
nightbat wrote

WillE1 wrote:

"Hagar" wrote in message
...

"Double-A" wrote in message
roups.com...

greysky wrote:

The familiar refrain about "Something being in the water" to explain a
spate
of local pregnancies, though said with humor, may just have the ring of
truth after all. Professor Waldo Schmedlock of the European Pan Theater
of
Physical Operations has just released his ground breaking multi-year
study
showing that there is a direct correlation between the local
concentration
of dark matter particles on Earth, and the local pregnancy rate amongst
area
virgins. Says Professor Schmedlock, "I was first clued into the
possibilities when my girlfriend became pregnant. She said she didn't
know
what had happened. She insisted that she was a virgin." There is also a
direct correlation between certain activities that 'attract' the dark
matter, such as high school sports events and the virgins that attend
them.
They go the games virgins, but mysteriously come back pregnant. No boy
being
involved according the testimony of the cheerleaders involved. Parents,
insists the professor, may want to keep their young virgin daughters
home at
night, especially during football games. Professor Schmedlock has a dire
warning for all virgins on earth: "Unfortunately this will only get
worse.
As we approach the end of the Mayan calendar, 2012 is going to be an
especially bad year for virgins of all childbearing ages. There is an
especially high concentration of Dark Matter Particles near the equator
of
the galaxy, which we are due to cross in the year 2012. No virgin will
be
safe when this happens. This is an event which has never happened
befo we
don't know just what the effects will be. Even Male virgins may be
affected".

When asked about the nature of Dark Matter, the professor said, "I
haven't a
clue. It is a complete mystery to we in the scientific community."

Greysky


The professor did it!

Double-A


Nahh, Double-A, I think it is the same dude who knocked up the Virgin Mary
way back when. He must be getting horny again after all these years,
prowling proms and football games in search of the elusive puss.



Then again,... It just might be Dark Matter. WillE1

nightbat

This is very troubling for there are very few known modern of
legal age virgins as it is let alone now being apparently deflowered by
dark matter particles, oh mercy! Profound, very profound, of this
referenced Professor's report. Well we certainly can't blame the fun
coffeeboys for this one because the findings point to dark matter.
Hmmmm, the reported net Sean Space virgins must have special anti matter
shields to help protect themselves.

The problem with the abovementioned "special anti matter shields" is
that they don't need to be impermeable to matter, but to _dark_ matter,
which means they need to be "special anti darkmatter shields".

Unfortunately, one of the main reasons dark matter is called "dark"
is that there are few if any ways for it to interact with normal
matter, meaning it's pretty hard to find something to stop it _with_.

Fortunately, the foregoing discussion has revealed one commonly
available form of ordinary matter that interacts strongly with dark
matter, and that's, um, whatever Hymens (hymenae?) are made of.
Hymenium. Hymenite. Hymenine. Help me here, people.

Anyway, if the function of the Special Shield is to stop dark matter,
it _has_ to be made of... well, now there's a market for the, um, (what
is the generic medical term for the bits that are discarded in an
amputation/excision?) of Female Genital Mutil^H^HCircumcision.


Dr. HotSalt

PS I am often amazed that the conversations on sci.physics out-weird
those in ARK.

On 20 Jan 2007 23:10:20 -0800, wrote:
Dr. HotSalt

PS I am often amazed that the conversations on sci.physics out-weird
those in ARK.

If you knew more physics you might not be so amazed. The faster you go,
the weirder it gets.

Dave
--
\/David DeLaney posting from "It's not the pot that grows the flower
It's not the clock that slows the hour The definition's plain for anyone to see
Love is all it takes to make a family" - R&P. VISUALIZE HAPPYNET VRbeableBLINK
http://www.vic.com/~dbd/ - net.legends FAQ & Magic / I WUV you in all CAPS! --K.

nightbat wrote

wrote:

nightbat wrote:

nightbat wrote

WillE1 wrote:


"Hagar" wrote in message
news:HL2dnXjO2YIwnyzYnZ2dnUVZ_uqvnZ2d@giganews. com...


"Double-A" wrote in message
egroups.com...


greysky wrote:


The familiar refrain about "Something being in the water" to explain a
spate
of local pregnancies, though said with humor, may just have the ring of
truth after all. Professor Waldo Schmedlock of the European Pan Theater
of
Physical Operations has just released his ground breaking multi-year
study
showing that there is a direct correlation between the local
concentration
of dark matter particles on Earth, and the local pregnancy rate amongst
area
virgins. Says Professor Schmedlock, "I was first clued into the
possibilities when my girlfriend became pregnant. She said she didn't
know
what had happened. She insisted that she was a virgin." There is also a
direct correlation between certain activities that 'attract' the dark
matter, such as high school sports events and the virgins that attend
them.
They go the games virgins, but mysteriously come back pregnant. No boy
being
involved according the testimony of the cheerleaders involved. Parents,
insists the professor, may want to keep their young virgin daughters
home at
night, especially during football games. Professor Schmedlock has a dire
warning for all virgins on earth: "Unfortunately this will only get
worse.
As we approach the end of the Mayan calendar, 2012 is going to be an
especially bad year for virgins of all childbearing ages. There is an
especially high concentration of Dark Matter Particles near the equator
of
the galaxy, which we are due to cross in the year 2012. No virgin will
be
safe when this happens. This is an event which has never happened
befo we
don't know just what the effects will be. Even Male virgins may be
affected".

When asked about the nature of Dark Matter, the professor said, "I
haven't a
clue. It is a complete mystery to we in the scientific community."

Greysky


The professor did it!

Double-A


Hagar
Nahh, Double-A, I think it is the same dude who knocked up the Virgin Mary
way back when. He must be getting horny again after all these years,
prowling proms and football games in search of the elusive puss.



Then again,... It just might be Dark Matter. WillE1

nightbat

This is very troubling for there are very few known modern of
legal age virgins as it is let alone now being apparently deflowered by
dark matter particles, oh mercy! Profound, very profound, of this
referenced Professor's report. Well we certainly can't blame the fun
coffeeboys for this one because the findings point to dark matter.
Hmmmm, the reported net Sean Space virgins must have special anti matter
shields to help protect themselves.


nuny

The problem with the abovementioned "special anti matter shields" is
that they don't need to be impermeable to matter, but to _dark_ matter,
which means they need to be "special anti darkmatter shields".

Unfortunately, one of the main reasons dark matter is called "dark"
is that there are few if any ways for it to interact with normal
matter, meaning it's pretty hard to find something to stop it _with_.


nightbat

Hmmmmmm, no wonder the Space Seans are virgins cause they're
apparently broad no can find dark matter shield protected.


Fortunately, the foregoing discussion has revealed one commonly
available form of ordinary matter that interacts strongly with dark
matter, and that's, um, whatever Hymens (hymenae?) are made of.
Hymenium. Hymenite. Hymenine. Help me here, people.

Anyway, if the function of the Special Shield is to stop dark matter,
it _has_ to be made of... well, now there's a market for the, um, (what
is the generic medical term for the bits that are discarded in an
amputation/excision?) of Female Genital Mutil^H^HCircumcision.

nightbat

Reported Gray topical human sexual appendage surgical disposed
anatomy parts after anal examinations of trans coffeeboys in their
Gray outlaw search of those never seen dark matter shields?



Dr. HotSalt

PS I am often amazed that the conversations on sci.physics out-weird
those in ARK.


nightbat

Well then you have to get an sad post full of
religious/psychology/lack of brain cells Hammond, boy will you need a
fun multi newsgroup vacation.

take it easy,
the nightbat

Hagar I must repent for the lack of virgins. I blame it on
Pee-Air,and if there is a heaven I hope they won't let Pee-Air past the
"pearly gates" It seem's only the Muslin religion has a heaven with
virgins. Well I was taught we get our heaven and hell right here on
Earth.and I had my 'piece" of heavens Bert

David DeLaney wrote:

On 20 Jan 2007 23:10:20 -0800, wrote:
Dr. HotSalt

PS I am often amazed that the conversations on sci.physics out-weird
those in ARK.

If you knew more physics you might not be so amazed. The faster you go,
the weirder it gets.

He doesn't know anything about physics -- he is into sex with porpoise
aliens.