Appeasing the Sky...

Folk wisdom tells that when one buys astronomical equipment, then one
calls the clouds.

It has been proven to me that if I buy astronomical equipment, then
the Sky brings clouds.

I bought a Nagler, I've had almost two months of clouds. Good enough
proof for me. (apologies to all those in the New Orleans area. It's my
fault.)

Therefore, scientifically speaking, if I *destroy* astronomical
equipment, then I'll call forth clear skies.

I have equipment which I'm willing to sacrifice to the Sky in return
for clear skies...

So, I'm asking the list for advice in the best way to ritualistically
destroy astronomical equipment to appease the Sky.

I envision a nice ritual where I take a hammer and smash the equipment
four times, in each of the cardinal directions.

Tradition might recommend that I do this at a crossroads during the
full/new moon.

What do you all think?

(* all in good fun... I think... but the buying equipment/clouds ratio
has been damn well on... maybe I'm onto something here... *)

(Mark Ensley) wrote in message . com...
Folk wisdom tells that when one buys astronomical equipment, then one
calls the clouds.

It has been proven to me that if I buy astronomical equipment, then
the Sky brings clouds.

I bought a Nagler, I've had almost two months of clouds. Good enough
proof for me. (apologies to all those in the New Orleans area. It's my
fault.)

Therefore, scientifically speaking, if I *destroy* astronomical
equipment, then I'll call forth clear skies.

I have equipment which I'm willing to sacrifice to the Sky in return
for clear skies...

So, I'm asking the list for advice in the best way to ritualistically
destroy astronomical equipment to appease the Sky.

I envision a nice ritual where I take a hammer and smash the equipment
four times, in each of the cardinal directions.

Tradition might recommend that I do this at a crossroads during the
full/new moon.

What do you all think?

Not sure about the crossroads.

Here (Silicon Valley) when I want clear skies I have to dance under the
full Moon in my Jockey shorts while swinging a dead chicken over my head.

Your idea of sacrificing telescope parts makes good sense; it'd seem best
to buy a department store telescope (675x, 0.965" EPs, 3x plastic Barlow,
etc.) and fling the EPs to the cardinal directions followed by Earth, Air,
Fire and Water. If that doesn't work, BBQ the Barlow. If still no clear
skies, remove the objective from the OTA, fill the OTA with gasoline, lighter
fluid, and/or Rebel Yell then apply Fire and Air while standing on the Earth
passing Water.

If still no success, BBQ the OTA and toss some unopened cans of Dinty Moore
Beef Stew into the rising flames, drink some Fire Water while waiting for the
cans to explode, and when they do then run around the Earth trying to catch
the Beef Bolides in your mouth before they hit the ground.

If the Sky is still unappeased by your offerings and sacrifices, get some
high-power lasers and simply burn-away the clouds, Sky god be damned.

:-)

Mark Ensley wrote:
I have equipment which I'm willing to sacrifice to the Sky in return
for clear skies...

Three years ago my wife and I attended the South Pacific Star Party. At
the beginning of the star party they hold a sacrificial rite to bring good
weather for the star party.

In 2003 they burned a telescope replica on a bonfire. (It was an
Astro-Fizzics Startfire.)

Unfortunately it rained cats and dogs three days out of four. :/

Mojo
--
Morris Jones *
San Rafael, CA

http://www.whiteoaks.com

Morris Jones wrote:
In 2003 they burned a telescope replica on a bonfire. (It was an
Astro-Fizzics Startfire.)

Doh! I meant 2000.

Mojo
--
Morris Jones *
San Rafael, CA

http://www.whiteoaks.com

From: mojo

Three years ago my wife and I attended the South Pacific Star Party. At
the beginning of the star party they hold a sacrificial rite to bring good
weather for the star party.

In 2003 they burned a telescope replica on a bonfire. (It was an
Astro-Fizzics Startfire.)

Unfortunately it rained cats and dogs three days out of four. :/


Ahhhhh. The "Powers that Be" know a Phony. Sincerity is Rewarded, but
Attempts to Fool are Punished!!!!!!!! ;-)

Crazy Ed

Hey Mark,

If you get your jollies from hot peppers (I kind of like the hot stuff too),
you would be in heaven with a taste of the pepper sauce I picked up the last
time I was in New Orleans. Actually, I wouldn't let you taste it unless you
first signed a waiver. This stuff is absolutely lethal...one swig and you
could have a convulsion and die. All kidding aside, it is the hottest stuff
I ever tasted. I'm making a mental note to go through the kitchen cabinets
and see if I can find it. If I do, I'll give you the name of it.

Al


"Mark Ensley" wrote in message
om...
"Al" wrote in message
. net...
I'm sorry to report, gentlemen, that you both have it wrong. My method
is
tested and proven...just consider the wonderful weather we've been
having
where I live here in the northeast. Okay, here's how the system
works...

If you want to have good weather and you must buy astronomy equipment,
you
need to offset your purchase of astronomy stuff with a commodity that is
linked to bad weather (rain). Let's say that you purchase an eyepiece
at
the cost of $400...then you must also purchase, at least an equal dollar
amount (more is better), of items such as sod, flowers, birdbaths,
expensive
raincoats, etc. Oh yes, do not conclude that you can avoid all this and
just move to Arizona. It is guaranteed that if you do this, it will be
raining in Arizona when you arrive.

Al

Hmmm... around the same time I bought that Nagler I think we also DID
invest in some gardening supplies. I got some window boxes for herbs
and hot peppers, and my wife re-planted the flowerbeds (I'm the cook,
she's the decorator). But, in thinking about it, I didn't *personally*
spend nearly as much on MY gardening supplies as I did on the
eyepiece... and it was Noticed.

With all this rain, my peppers are doing magnificently *sigh*. But
then again capsaicin is a mild psychotropic, so maybe all that hot
food will cheer me up...

-Mark Ensley

Al,
probably either the Scotch Bonnet, or the jabenero
(Pronounced Hab ben YAIR o)
TW



Al wrote:
Hey Mark,

If you get your jollies from hot peppers (I kind of like the hot stuff too),
you would be in heaven with a taste of the pepper sauce I picked up the last
time I was in New Orleans. Actually, I wouldn't let you taste it unless you
first signed a waiver. This stuff is absolutely lethal...one swig and you
could have a convulsion and die. All kidding aside, it is the hottest stuff
I ever tasted. I'm making a mental note to go through the kitchen cabinets
and see if I can find it. If I do, I'll give you the name of it.

Al


"Mark Ensley" wrote in message
om...

"Al" wrote in message

. net...

I'm sorry to report, gentlemen, that you both have it wrong. My method

is

tested and proven...just consider the wonderful weather we've been

having

where I live here in the northeast. Okay, here's how the system

works...

If you want to have good weather and you must buy astronomy equipment,

you

need to offset your purchase of astronomy stuff with a commodity that is
linked to bad weather (rain). Let's say that you purchase an eyepiece

at

the cost of $400...then you must also purchase, at least an equal dollar
amount (more is better), of items such as sod, flowers, birdbaths,

expensive

raincoats, etc. Oh yes, do not conclude that you can avoid all this and
just move to Arizona. It is guaranteed that if you do this, it will be
raining in Arizona when you arrive.

Al

Hmmm... around the same time I bought that Nagler I think we also DID
invest in some gardening supplies. I got some window boxes for herbs
and hot peppers, and my wife re-planted the flowerbeds (I'm the cook,
she's the decorator). But, in thinking about it, I didn't *personally*
spend nearly as much on MY gardening supplies as I did on the
eyepiece... and it was Noticed.

With all this rain, my peppers are doing magnificently *sigh*. But
then again capsaicin is a mild psychotropic, so maybe all that hot
food will cheer me up...

-Mark Ensley

"Mark Ensley" wrote in message
om...
"Al" wrote in message
. net...
Hey Mark,

If you get your jollies from hot peppers (I kind of like the hot stuff
too),
you would be in heaven with a taste of the pepper sauce I picked up the
last
time I was in New Orleans. Actually, I wouldn't let you taste it unless
you
first signed a waiver. This stuff is absolutely lethal...one swig and
you
could have a convulsion and die. All kidding aside, it is the hottest
stuff
I ever tasted. I'm making a mental note to go through the kitchen
cabinets
and see if I can find it. If I do, I'll give you the name of it.

Al

Al, consider the waiver signed!

But by the way, for the record and all, I'm more into flavor than
heat.

This was conclusively proven to me the LAST time I had to sign a
waiver to try a hot sauce!

It was in Cincinnati, and the local Subway had a thing going where
they featured lots of different hot sauces. They had one called
"Endorphin Rush" and you had to sign a form for them to put it on your
sub. I looked at the bottle, and it was pepper *extract*.

I signed the form and had the guy put one drop on my sub... my stomach
hurt for over an hour! And it didn't taste like anything!

Anyway, the current crop is Bolivian rainbow peppers and another
called Looking at the Sun from India.

My this is off topic! Let's get it back...

I don't have anything like a Nagler to sacrifice to the Sky, but I was
planning to off my crappy meade 2" plastic focuser I got at a flea
market, and the loathsome Meade Series 4000 Plossl I've got.

=Mark
I've got a POS Celestron 10mm SMA I could offer as sacrifice.

Tom