Alien Review - A Question For You?

I am not from here.

I am like you in many ways, though.

You may call me Darla, but I am not female nor male by your standards.

There are those among you, scientists and such, who will not take this very
seriously.

You refuse to believe that there is life elsewhere in the galaxy Unless you
find hard evidence.

And, understandably, you will not consider my posts to be evidence of alien
life.

That is okay, and I shall begin each post with the word "Alien" so you can
easily filter or ignore these threads.

I shall answer Some questions, but not all.

There are six levels of inquiry, and for now I shall only answer level-one
(1) questions.

Level-five (5) questions are those, if answered, would give each of you the
power to end all life in your star system.

These answers must wait.

You already keep us rather busy protecting this planet from harm.

Level-six (6) questions are personal in nature.

I shall perhaps talk about myself from time to time but will answer few if
any questions about myself.

Humans are a delicacy to my species.

Let me be quick to say that I personally do not eat meat and have not eaten
meat since I was very young.

Have you noticed how you mainly eat the meat of the more docile species?

You usually eat chicken and cow, sheep, goat and such.

Very few of you have ever eaten the meat of other meat-eaters, such as
lions, wolves and such.

My people are not a meat-eating species per se, so when we Do eat meat of
any kind, we consider it to be a true specialty, a delicacy.

And sadly, we are not averse to eating species that are meat-eaters.

I say "sadly" because in addition to being an astronomer, what you would
call an "astrobiologist," I also work toward ending some of our meat-eating
habits.

Some of my people really Like to eat meat on rare occasion, so the battle
can be quite fierce.

You are an interesting species!

We have been pretty much all over our galaxy, and we have not found any
species more advanced than we.

And there are very few species that have been able to escape us.

You have some individuals among you who have done so.

Of course, few of you actually Believe their stories of their capture and
escape.

My people were just thinking about "dinner," and your people were running
for their lives.

Put that together with intelligence and the ability to improvise, and this
fascinates some of us about you.

And you are Fighters!

You keep us endlessly amused by fighting each other over some very
interesting things.

Now, please ask questions, and I may have a few questions for you as well.

Consider that it does not Really matter whether you believe me or not.

All that truly matters is mutual gratification, each of us satisfying the
other in some way.

I shall try to satisfy your curiosity about the universe as much as I
possibly can at this time.

So keep fighting the good fight, and keep loving those who love you.

Will you answer a question for me?

My first question is,

Why is it that only the female of your species can perpetuate your
kind?

Any individual of my species can, if necessary, perpetuate our kind.

But only the female of your species can do this.

And in fact, this is true of almost Every sexual species on your planet.

Can you tell me why?

I understand that this is not an astronomy question, and I Do intend to make
this inquiry in other forums.

However, I am hoping that the astrobiologists among you have studied this as
an important prelude to space travel and colonization of other worlds?

You are an exceptional species!

Never doubt your courage.

It always seems to be there when you need it.

Darla

Wonder what this one has been smoking? Killfile time.


--
"In this universe the night was falling,the shadows were lengthening
towards an east that would not know another dawn.
But elsewhere the stars were still young and the light of morning
lingered: and along the path he once had followed, man would one day go
again."

Arthur C. Clarke, The City & The Stars

SIAR
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"Darla" wrote in message
...
I am not from here.

I am like you in many ways, though.

You may call me Darla, but I am not female nor male by your standards.

There are those among you, scientists and such, who will not take this very
seriously.

You refuse to believe that there is life elsewhere in the galaxy Unless you
find hard evidence.

And, understandably, you will not consider my posts to be evidence of alien
life.

That is okay, and I shall begin each post with the word "Alien" so you can
easily filter or ignore these threads.

I shall answer Some questions, but not all.

There are six levels of inquiry, and for now I shall only answer level-one
(1) questions.

Level-five (5) questions are those, if answered, would give each of you the
power to end all life in your star system.

These answers must wait.

You already keep us rather busy protecting this planet from harm.

Level-six (6) questions are personal in nature.

I shall perhaps talk about myself from time to time but will answer few if
any questions about myself.

Humans are a delicacy to my species.

Let me be quick to say that I personally do not eat meat and have not eaten
meat since I was very young.

Have you noticed how you mainly eat the meat of the more docile species?

You usually eat chicken and cow, sheep, goat and such.

Very few of you have ever eaten the meat of other meat-eaters, such as
lions, wolves and such.

My people are not a meat-eating species per se, so when we Do eat meat of
any kind, we consider it to be a true specialty, a delicacy.

And sadly, we are not averse to eating species that are meat-eaters.

I say "sadly" because in addition to being an astronomer, what you would
call an "astrobiologist," I also work toward ending some of our meat-eating
habits.

Some of my people really Like to eat meat on rare occasion, so the battle
can be quite fierce.

You are an interesting species!

We have been pretty much all over our galaxy, and we have not found any
species more advanced than we.

And there are very few species that have been able to escape us.

You have some individuals among you who have done so.

Of course, few of you actually Believe their stories of their capture and
escape.

My people were just thinking about "dinner," and your people were running
for their lives.

Put that together with intelligence and the ability to improvise, and this
fascinates some of us about you.

And you are Fighters!

You keep us endlessly amused by fighting each other over some very
interesting things.

Now, please ask questions, and I may have a few questions for you as well.

Consider that it does not Really matter whether you believe me or not.

All that truly matters is mutual gratification, each of us satisfying the
other in some way.

I shall try to satisfy your curiosity about the universe as much as I
possibly can at this time.

So keep fighting the good fight, and keep loving those who love you.

Will you answer a question for me?

My first question is,

Why is it that only the female of your species can perpetuate your
kind?

Any individual of my species can, if necessary, perpetuate our kind.

But only the female of your species can do this.

And in fact, this is true of almost Every sexual species on your planet.

Can you tell me why?

I understand that this is not an astronomy question, and I Do intend to make
this inquiry in other forums.

However, I am hoping that the astrobiologists among you have studied this as
an important prelude to space travel and colonization of other worlds?

You are an exceptional species!

Never doubt your courage.

It always seems to be there when you need it.

Darla








---
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Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
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"Darla" wrote in message
...
I am not from here.

SNIP
That is okay, and I shall begin each post with the word "Alien" so you can
easily filter or ignore these threads.


My deepest thanks.

-- Stinger

Humans are a delicacy to my species.

Great. Could you start with Michael Jackson?



My first question is,

Why is it that only the female of your species can perpetuate your
kind?

Sorry, that is a Level 6 question. You could, however, try Google.

"Darla" wrote in message
...
|
| There are those among you, scientists and such, who will not
| take this very seriously.

Try Fox. I'm sure you could get a reality series.

| You refuse to believe that there is life elsewhere in the
| galaxy Unless you find hard evidence.

That's not true. Soft and squishy evidence will do just fine.

| And, understandably, you will not consider my posts to be
| evidence of alien life.

Not intelligent alien life, anyway.

| There are six levels of inquiry, and for now I shall only answer
| level-one (1) questions.

Here on earth we have only these levels of questions:

1. Stupid questions, as in "How long can I keep driving when the 'Check
Engine' light is on?"

2. No-win questions, such as, "Do I look fat, honey?"

3. Unaswerable philosophical questions, such as, "What are Chicken McNuggets
really made of?"

| Level-five (5) questions are those, if answered, would give each
| of you the power to end all life in your star system.

Yes, we have those on earth too. Try hesitating a bit before giving *any*
answer to #2 above.

| You already keep us rather busy protecting this planet from harm.

Ah, so *you're* the landlord of Earth. Look, we've got a really bad roach
problem down here. Could you do something about it please?

| Level-six (6) questions are personal in nature.

Wait a minute. So questions whose answers would end all life within a
billion miles are *less* important than what your personal species does for
fun on a Glurksday night?

| Humans are a delicacy to my species.

Hey, for all we know, we make Chicken McNuggets out of your species. Not
really a delicacy around here, but almost anything is edible with enough
barbecue sauce on it.

| Let me be quick to say that I personally do not eat meat and
| have not eaten meat since I was very young.

Ah. Politically correct aliens.

| You usually eat chicken and cow, sheep, goat and such.

We eat the meat-eaters chiefly in cookie form, from a little box that looks
like a circus train. And I'm personally partial to free-range twinkies. We
eat catfish too. You probably don't want to know what they live on.

| We have been pretty much all over our galaxy, and we have not
| found any species more advanced than we.
|
| And there are very few species that have been able to escape us.

"I am Emeril Lagasse of Borg. You will be assimilated in a light wine
sauce."

| You have some individuals among you who have done so.

Give us time and I'm sure we can come up with a list of people that no one
around here would miss much.

| Put that together with intelligence and the ability to improvise,
| and this fascinates some of us about you.

On this planet it's considered rude to play with your food.

| You keep us endlessly amused by fighting each other over some very
| interesting things.

Oh, that's just WWF. We don't take that seriously either.

| All that truly matters is mutual gratification, each of us satisfying the
| other in some way.

Sorry, I'm busy on Glurksday.

| Why is it that only the female of your species can perpetuate your
| kind?

Great -- the rest of the galaxy is dominated by vegetarian feminists. I
knew there'd be some blowback from Captain Kirk sleeping with every alien
babe he got his hands on.

| Any individual of my species can, if necessary, perpetuate our kind.

Actually solo sex is quite popular on our planet. Not quite the same thing,
but with all the effort we're putting toward it I'm sure we're very near a
breakthrough.

| But only the female of your species can do this.

Don't knock it, alien sister. Some humans can reproduce using only a turkey
baster. Let's see you do that!

| However, I am hoping that the astrobiologists among you have
| studied this as an important prelude to space travel and colonization
| of other worlds?

Most of our efforts are being put toward translating the phrase, "Is your
daughter eighteen?" into all known galactic languages.

Oh, and before we leave earth to colonize, do we need to give you 30 days
notice or anything? Or can we sublet the planet out to the cockroaches?

| Never doubt your courage.

.... for death awaits you with big nasty pointy teeth.

--
|
The universe is not required to conform | Jay Windley
to the expectations of the ignorant. | webmaster @ clavius.org

Jay-
Thank you, I enjoyed that very much.

Rob

37.33.32 N
121.58.04 W

"Jay Windley" wrote in message
...

"Darla" wrote in message
...
|
| There are those among you, scientists and such, who will not
| take this very seriously.

Try Fox. I'm sure you could get a reality series.

| You refuse to believe that there is life elsewhere in the
| galaxy Unless you find hard evidence.

That's not true. Soft and squishy evidence will do just fine.

| And, understandably, you will not consider my posts to be
| evidence of alien life.

Not intelligent alien life, anyway.

| There are six levels of inquiry, and for now I shall only answer
| level-one (1) questions.

Here on earth we have only these levels of questions:

1. Stupid questions, as in "How long can I keep driving when the 'Check
Engine' light is on?"

2. No-win questions, such as, "Do I look fat, honey?"

3. Unaswerable philosophical questions, such as, "What are Chicken
McNuggets
really made of?"

| Level-five (5) questions are those, if answered, would give each
| of you the power to end all life in your star system.

Yes, we have those on earth too. Try hesitating a bit before giving *any*
answer to #2 above.

| You already keep us rather busy protecting this planet from harm.

Ah, so *you're* the landlord of Earth. Look, we've got a really bad roach
problem down here. Could you do something about it please?

| Level-six (6) questions are personal in nature.

Wait a minute. So questions whose answers would end all life within a
billion miles are *less* important than what your personal species does
for
fun on a Glurksday night?

| Humans are a delicacy to my species.

Hey, for all we know, we make Chicken McNuggets out of your species. Not
really a delicacy around here, but almost anything is edible with enough
barbecue sauce on it.

| Let me be quick to say that I personally do not eat meat and
| have not eaten meat since I was very young.

Ah. Politically correct aliens.

| You usually eat chicken and cow, sheep, goat and such.

We eat the meat-eaters chiefly in cookie form, from a little box that
looks
like a circus train. And I'm personally partial to free-range twinkies.
We
eat catfish too. You probably don't want to know what they live on.

| We have been pretty much all over our galaxy, and we have not
| found any species more advanced than we.
|
| And there are very few species that have been able to escape us.

"I am Emeril Lagasse of Borg. You will be assimilated in a light wine
sauce."

| You have some individuals among you who have done so.

Give us time and I'm sure we can come up with a list of people that no one
around here would miss much.

| Put that together with intelligence and the ability to improvise,
| and this fascinates some of us about you.

On this planet it's considered rude to play with your food.

| You keep us endlessly amused by fighting each other over some very
| interesting things.

Oh, that's just WWF. We don't take that seriously either.

| All that truly matters is mutual gratification, each of us satisfying
the
| other in some way.

Sorry, I'm busy on Glurksday.

| Why is it that only the female of your species can perpetuate your
| kind?

Great -- the rest of the galaxy is dominated by vegetarian feminists. I
knew there'd be some blowback from Captain Kirk sleeping with every alien
babe he got his hands on.

| Any individual of my species can, if necessary, perpetuate our kind.

Actually solo sex is quite popular on our planet. Not quite the same
thing,
but with all the effort we're putting toward it I'm sure we're very near a
breakthrough.

| But only the female of your species can do this.

Don't knock it, alien sister. Some humans can reproduce using only a
turkey
baster. Let's see you do that!

| However, I am hoping that the astrobiologists among you have
| studied this as an important prelude to space travel and colonization
| of other worlds?

Most of our efforts are being put toward translating the phrase, "Is your
daughter eighteen?" into all known galactic languages.

Oh, and before we leave earth to colonize, do we need to give you 30 days
notice or anything? Or can we sublet the planet out to the cockroaches?

| Never doubt your courage.

... for death awaits you with big nasty pointy teeth.

--
|
The universe is not required to conform | Jay Windley
to the expectations of the ignorant. | webmaster @ clavius.org

"Starlord" wrote in message
...
Wonder what this one has been smoking? Killfile time.

Yes G this is another facet about you that is admirable: your ability to
bring humor to the table.

This is not a rare trait, however the galaxy can always use more of it.

It is too bad that you want to put me in your killfile, Starlord.

I enjoy the personal touches that you lend to your astronomy posts here.

Someone else asked why personal questions are more important than life and
death questions.

The personal is Always most important, indeed crucial to all existence.

You appear to killfile me to exhibit your disgust.

This is understandable under the circumstances.

Please allow how closely "disgust" can resemble "fear."

I do not want people to fear me.

So I try to keep to the facts as much as possible.

Please keep peering through your scope.

You may soon see something new and fascinating!

If you change your mind, your level-one (1) questions about the Universe
will be most welcome!

Darla

"Stinger" wrote in message
...

"Darla" wrote in message
...
I am not from here.

SNIP
That is okay, and I shall begin each post with the word "Alien" so you
can
easily filter or ignore these threads.

My deepest thanks.

-- Stinger

My dearest Stinger, you have my most hearty, "You are welcome!"

Darla

"Bill Nunnelee" wrote in message
link.net...
Humans are a delicacy to my species.

Great. Could you start with Michael Jackson?

Yes G it is your species great facility for humor that is among your most
admirable traits.

To answer your question Bill Nunnelee, except for a very small number of my
people who are sometimes able to get past us and do a little poaching, there
are several species that are "off the menu" so to speak.

And human beings have been among them for quite some time now.

It would be too easy to catch the criminals if they attempted to poach a
celebrity.

Michael Jackson would be missed far sooner than an unknown and obscure
resident of a rural area.

Besides, I believe that Zed has finally relented and allowed him to join the
MIB.

G

My first question is,

Why is it that only the female of your species can perpetuate
your
kind?

Sorry, that is a Level 6 question. You could, however, try Google.

Apparently my question was a bit vague.

It is by no means meant to be a personal question.

Some of your biologists have found that certain of Earth's species, given
the absence of the male gender, are still able to produce offspring.

And this is true of most every sexual species here.

Your males would not be able to do this if all females were to be (Please
Forbid) eliminated.

Yet if males were eliminated, and even just one female were to survive, she
would still be able to ensure that your species would not become extinct.

This is extremely rare in the galaxy.

I have my own ideas why this came about, but little evidence to support my
deductions.

So I just wondered if anyone here has studied this to any depth?

Thank you, Bill Nunnelee, for your humourous and stimulating post!

Darla

"Jay Windley" wrote in message
...

"Darla" wrote in message
...
|
| There are those among you, scientists and such, who will not
| take this very seriously.

Try Fox. I'm sure you could get a reality series.

Yes, I do understand your disgust.

Yours, Jay Windley, is a most humorous and entertaining post!

In its haste to capitalize on the popularization of astronomy, TV often
misinterprets and misrepresents astronomy, and also science in general.

If there is a plus side, then it would be that for those who are truly
interested, this tends to deepen their inquiry into the mysteries of our
surroundings.

When one gets past the disgust, there is always the knowing what other
people do not know.

This helps us gain a truer sense of our identity.

And this is also why it takes so much courage and patience to be a good
teacher.

Even good teachers retain much of what they know when they impart their
knowledge to their students.

It is the old, "I taught him everything he Knows, but I did Not teach him
everything I know," kind of thing.

So even things like Fox play a role in furthering the edification of those
who are truly interested and inquisitive!

| You refuse to believe that there is life elsewhere in the
| galaxy Unless you find hard evidence.

That's not true. Soft and squishy evidence will do just fine.

This is deserved of a hugh grin. G

I wish it were not true on the scale of science, Jay Windley, and yet there
is always something to be said for a healthy amount of skepticism.

We have left a good deal of soft and squishy evidence over the past two
million years for you to find.

Some points for research if you are so inclined:

Do a species comparison of the number of heartbeats per Maximum life
expectancy in years--you will find that human beings last a great deal
longer than Any other species on Earth, and always have, even before the
advent of medical science.

Your biologists are finding overwhelming similarities among the
genetic codes of people and other species--do not disregard the many
striking differences as well, particularly among the mitochondria.

There is also the fossil evidence of the dramatic increase in skull
volume (brain size) during the initial evolutionary periods of your people.

There is more, so much much more!

In many cases you do not even have to know where to look, because just the
search itself will reveal things that can only be explained by my presence.

And yet, we have been careful to ensure that the evidence remains soft and
squishy, amiable to some of you who are less skeptical, but a mere mildly
amusing unsolved mystery to the XXXX-rated scientist.

| And, understandably, you will not consider my posts to be
| evidence of alien life.

Not intelligent alien life, anyway.

G

| There are six levels of inquiry, and for now I shall only answer
| level-one (1) questions.

Here on earth we have only these levels of questions:

1. Stupid questions, as in "How long can I keep driving when the 'Check
Engine' light is on?"

2. No-win questions, such as, "Do I look fat, honey?"

3. Unaswerable philosophical questions, such as, "What are Chicken
McNuggets
really made of?"

| Level-five (5) questions are those, if answered, would give each
| of you the power to end all life in your star system.

Yes, we have those on earth too. Try hesitating a bit before giving *any*
answer to #2 above.

| You already keep us rather busy protecting this planet from harm.

Ah, so *you're* the landlord of Earth. Look, we've got a really bad roach
problem down here. Could you do something about it please?

They do get rather large and numerous in places, do they not?

What would you like me to do about them?

They have been around for a long, long time for a Reason, you know.

Even a devastating collision seems to have little long-term effect.

Have you tried roach hotels?

| Level-six (6) questions are personal in nature.

Wait a minute. So questions whose answers would end all life within a
billion miles are *less* important than what your personal species does
for
fun on a Glurksday night?

This would be about a 6.001, yes.

However, you HAVE made me want to consider increasing my distance next
Glurksday night.

| Humans are a delicacy to my species.

Hey, for all we know, we make Chicken McNuggets out of your species. Not
really a delicacy around here, but almost anything is edible with enough
barbecue sauce on it.

Well there you are!

This is the answer to your really bad roach problem!

| Let me be quick to say that I personally do not eat meat and
| have not eaten meat since I was very young.

Ah. Politically correct aliens.

G

| You usually eat chicken and cow, sheep, goat and such.

We eat the meat-eaters chiefly in cookie form, from a little box that
looks
like a circus train. And I'm personally partial to free-range twinkies.
We
eat catfish too. You probably don't want to know what they live on.

I already know, Jay Windley, as I am a biologist.

What really intrigues me is what sometimes goes on down on the bayou.

How can some of you suck out those uncooked crayfish heads?

| We have been pretty much all over our galaxy, and we have not
| found any species more advanced than we.
|
| And there are very few species that have been able to escape us.

"I am Emeril Lagasse of Borg. You will be assimilated in a light wine
sauce."

So when did your parents, the Borg Queen and Hannibal the Cannibal, get
married?

| You have some individuals among you who have done so.

Give us time and I'm sure we can come up with a list of people that no one
around here would miss much.

This is why poachers are frequently successful!

| Put that together with intelligence and the ability to improvise,
| and this fascinates some of us about you.

On this planet it's considered rude to play with your food.

G Yes, "Little Black Sambo."

It has been a while, but I do remember.

It came out just before the turn of the last century, I think.

Excellent little story!

| You keep us endlessly amused by fighting each other over some very
| interesting things.

Oh, that's just WWF. We don't take that seriously either.

Some of you less seriously than others? G

| All that truly matters is mutual gratification, each of us satisfying
the
| other in some way.

Sorry, I'm busy on Glurksday.

| Why is it that only the female of your species can perpetuate your
| kind?

Great -- the rest of the galaxy is dominated by vegetarian feminists. I
knew there'd be some blowback from Captain Kirk sleeping with every alien
babe he got his hands on.

Gave new Meaning to the pitch, "to go where no man has gone before?"

| Any individual of my species can, if necessary, perpetuate our kind.

Actually solo sex is quite popular on our planet. Not quite the same
thing,
but with all the effort we're putting toward it I'm sure we're very near a
breakthrough.

Cute, but the perpetuation i am talking about can only take place if all the
males are (Please Forbid) eliminated.

Even if just one female survives, she can ensure that your species will not
become extinct.

If it is the other way around, if all females die and only males remain, it
is "adios muchachos."

| But only the female of your species can do this.

Don't knock it, alien sister. Some humans can reproduce using only a
turkey
baster. Let's see you do that!

| However, I am hoping that the astrobiologists among you have
| studied this as an important prelude to space travel and colonization
| of other worlds?

Most of our efforts are being put toward translating the phrase, "Is your
daughter eighteen?" into all known galactic languages.

Oh, and before we leave earth to colonize, do we need to give you 30 days
notice or anything? Or can we sublet the planet out to the cockroaches?

| Never doubt your courage.

... for death awaits you with big nasty pointy teeth.

I would advise you to concern yourself a bit more with extinction.

You will conquer individual death soon enough.

And while your species has enjoyed a short and remarkably fast evolution,
such a conquest may too easily lead to a remarkably abrupt inextancy.

If I must inevitably observe such a thing, it shall be with great
displeasure!

Your people problem may soon exceed your roach one.

--
|
The universe is not required to conform | Jay Windley
to the expectations of the ignorant. | webmaster @ clavius.org


Thank you, Jay Windley, for a most entertaining post.

Do you have any questions for me?

Darla