The End of This Story

On Thu, 23 Jun 2005 00:56:12 -0500, Pat Flannery
wrote:

I'm sure Neil will miss him also.

....He will, especially if they've been together for any serious length
of time. When the elder male of the two spaniels died, the younger
went absolutely ape****. For the next *month*, he'd prowl the house
and yard, sniffing for traces, and on some nights howling forlorn
until I got tired of it and let the dumb lovable ****head in(*) and
let him sleep with me.

Ironically, he never did catch a scent of his lost pal, who we buried
in the front yard, even though he sniffed that area at least a
thousand times...

(*) Rule #1 on Cocker Spaniels: The black ones are almost human in
intelligence, the blonde ones are dumber than a box of rocks and about
as sharp as a sack of wet tribbles. Two guesses which one was which
color.

OM

--

"No ******* ever won a war by dying for | http://www.io.com/~o_m
his country. He won it by making the other | Sergeant-At-Arms
poor dumb ******* die for his country." | Human O-Ring Society

- General George S. Patton, Jr

Mary,
I hope Buzz gets a good long time to explore before you, Ken and
Neil join him. The first dog in my life was a collie we named Tip. He
was a faithful friend to me from the age of three until I was 20. He never
asked for anything, but gave so much. My Scottie Chloe is sleeping
on my bed now (like I should be). I won't yell at her tonight for taking
up 80% of a queen-sized bed Not that I ever do...

There's nothing I can say that will really comfort you at all, I know- but
I just wanted to know that you are all in my thoughts.

Dale

On Thu, 23 Jun 2005 05:24:18 -0700, Dale wrote:

I hope Buzz gets a good long time to explore before you, Ken and
Neil join him.

[Cut to: The Pearly Gates]

God/Yahweh/Jehovah/Buddah/Roddenberry: "Ah, Mary and Ken! We've been
waiting for you! Buzz is inside, and he's really anxious to see you!"

Mary: "Great! We've really missed him so!"

Ken: "What the missus sez is true, sir!"

GYJBR: "Yes, and rest assured Neil will be along shortly. However,
before we let you in, there's this one little matter we have to
discuss..."

Mary: "...Yes?"

GYJBR: "Well, it seems that Buzz made a little mess when he got here."

Ken: "Whoops!"

GYJBR: "Yes...and to be honest, it was a *lot* of little messes. Seems
he had to mark his scent on pretty much all of the alabaster marble
columns that support most of the structures in the City of the Pax
Dei."

Mary: "Uh...well, you see..."

GYJBR: "Do you know how hard it is, even for a Supreme Being like We,
to clean off those yellow stains after they've set for a bit?"

Ken: "Well, actuallly..."

GYJBR: "...And We probably don't need to tell you what they did to the
carpet in Our office, do we? Or how he chewed through the doors
leading into the Manna storehouses? Or how he jumped on Our bed and
ripped up all the pillows and sheets? Our bedroom is *still* covered
in feathers!"

Mary: "Oh! Does that also explain the hole in the Pearly Gates?"

GYJBR: "Yes, now that you mention it. For some reason, one day he had
to get *out* to pee - We guess he ran out of supports to mark - and
just couldn't wait for Saint Peter to open the gates first!"

Ken: "Whoops. Well, Buzz was a good dog while on Earth. Doesn't that
count for something?"

GYJBR: "The key word was *was*, Ken. But the damage wasn't the worst
of it all. Seems he kept chasing the Angelic Hosts around as if he
were out on a bird hunt. He even manged to catch quite a few and bring
them back to Us as if he'd made a major achievement worth praise - or
at least, a pet on the head and a 'good boy!' or two."

Mary: "Well, what can we say, Lord? He's one of *your* creations. He's
what -you- made him!"

GYJBR: "That may be true, but some things can't be excused. We mean,
seriously - didn't you have him housebroken? We've *never* had a mutt
arrive up here so dead set on tearing up the place! He's even chased
Our cat up The Tree of Life, and he refuses to come down no matter
what We try to do to coax him down!!"

Ken: "So we're being blamed for Buzz tearing Heaven up?"

Mary: "And we're being denied Heaven for it?"

GYJBR: "Not at all. Do you really think We'd send you to Hell with the
Znkfbaf and the rest of the trolls that Satan sent to plague .history?
While OM and Pat could use the company - they're running the show down
there now as a couple of contractor engineers, and they're doing a
fine job of keeping the damned tormented, especially with OM's
imagination and Pat's fire wimmen - not only did the two of you do
*nothing* in life to deserve that, it would defeat the purpose of
letting you in Heaven in the first place."

Mary: "What purpose would that be, then?"

GYJBR: "Isn't it obvious? Do you really think *We're* going to clean
up this Usdamned mess that Buzz made? Oh no, we've got the mops and
cleaning solutions waiting right inside for the two of you. Step right
this way..."

OM

--

"No ******* ever won a war by dying for | http://www.io.com/~o_m
his country. He won it by making the other | Sergeant-At-Arms
poor dumb ******* die for his country." | Human O-Ring Society

- General George S. Patton, Jr

In message , OM
om@our_blessed_lady_mary_of_the_holy_NASA_researc h_facility.org writes
On Thu, 23 Jun 2005 05:24:18 -0700, Dale wrote:

I hope Buzz gets a good long time to explore before you, Ken and
Neil join him.

Great fun, but I still think the best "all dogs go to heaven" story is
Fredric Brown's little gem "Search".
Sorry to hear the news, Mary.

Jonathan Silverlight wrote:

In message , OM
om@our_blessed_lady_mary_of_the_holy_NASA_researc h_facility.org
writes
On Thu, 23 Jun 2005 05:24:18 -0700, Dale wrote:

I hope Buzz gets a good long time to explore before you, Ken and
Neil join him.

Great fun, but I still think the best "all dogs go to heaven" story
is Fredric Brown's little gem "Search".
Sorry to hear the news, Mary.

I've always had a sneaking fondness for the old Twilight Zone episode
where an Ozarks Hillbilly and his Coon Hound snuff it whilst out
hunting. They go trudging up the metaphorical road, and meet a nice
young fellow who almost talks him into going to People Heaven, while
the hound goes to Dog Heaven. The Mountainy balks at this - if the
dog isn't good enough, he ain't goin', and he keeps on trudging down
the road. Around the bend, he meets St. Pete, and both he and the
dog are happily ushered in.

--
Pete Stickney
Java Man knew nothing about coffee.

On Fri, 24 Jun 2005 01:22:17 -0400, Peter Stickney
wrote:

I've always had a sneaking fondness for the old Twilight Zone episode
where an Ozarks Hillbilly and his Coon Hound snuff it whilst out
hunting. They go trudging up the metaphorical road, and meet a nice
young fellow who almost talks him into going to People Heaven, while
the hound goes to Dog Heaven. The Mountainy balks at this - if the
dog isn't good enough, he ain't goin', and he keeps on trudging down
the road. Around the bend, he meets St. Pete, and both he and the
dog are happily ushered in.

"Mister, that weren't Heaven, that was the *other* place!"

....One of the better TZ eps, and could have only been better if it had
been Buddy Ebsen in the role :-)

OM

--

"No ******* ever won a war by dying for | http://www.io.com/~o_m
his country. He won it by making the other | Sergeant-At-Arms
poor dumb ******* die for his country." | Human O-Ring Society

- General George S. Patton, Jr