|
|
Thread Tools | Display Modes |
#1
|
|||
|
|||
HOW (easily) COLUMBUS DISCOVERED AMERICA.
The following is based on what David Fellin insisted he had personally witnessed during one of his numerous out-of-body experiences -- including trips back in time -- while he was entombed for 14 days following a coal mine cave-in in Penna. in 1963: ================ It is a popular misconception to say that ``Columbus took a chance'' on the journey in which he discovered America. The fact is, he actually was placed at minimal risk when the Nina, Pinta and Santa Maria pulled out of port to sail far into the Ocean Blue in Fourteen-hundred-and-ninety-two. The plain fact is, he knew what the hell he was doing. Granted, Columbus didn't know for sure whether he'd actually discover a new route to India -- his prime objective -- by sailing due west, or whether he'd even reach previously unknown land. But he knew, if the weatherman cooperated, he and his crews would be as safe as if in their own beds. (By starting his journey in October, it might be noted, Columbus undoubtedly knew that the hurricane season was past. Ever wonder why he didn't set leave port in May or June, a more logical choice?) In any event, all Columbus and his crew needed was patience, patience and more patience. Sail on! Sail on! Sail on! The only thing somewhat unusual about the trip was the sight to behold on a table in the center of Columbus' small cabin. It contained a weird-looking contraption, a cumbersome boxed compass. And every once in a while, the skipper glanced at the needle to make sure they were staying on the due-west course. Although invented more than a century earlier, the compass was considered little more than an object of curiosity and nothing better than an unusual child's toy. But Columbus, aware of its potential, had been using his compass successfully for years. On many previous trips into the Wild Blue Yonder, Columbus always managed to arrive safely back at port in one piece, thanks to his compass. In fact, it got to the point that his closest friends stopped calling him Chris or (his last name) Colon. They kiddingly started calling him ``Columbo," the Latin word for pigeon . Columbus earned their respect -- and his nickname -- because, to them, he had developed a reputation as a homing pigeon. No matter in which direction he set sail when bound for the open sea, he ALWAYS managed to return. That Columbus' most intimate friends spoke Latin should come as no surprise, either, because, after all, he had been born in The Tyrol, high in the Alps. (It is generally -- and erroneously -- believed that Columbus was Italian. For one thing, Italy didn't even exist back then). Sail on! Sail on! Sail on! ``Okay, smartass," you're asking. ``What about a food supply? If Columbus kept sailing and didn't reach land, wouldn't he and his crew die of starvation?" The answer, quite obviously, is *NO*. This is because Columbus had a very high IQ. Before any of his ships left port, numerous barrels containing a variety of diffferent food items were placed aboard on one side in the hold. Strangely, the same number of EMPTY same-size barrels were stationed on the opposite side in the hold. Every mealtime, Columbus and members of the crew would fill their plates to their liking, then walk over to the once-empty barrels and dump the different food item items into the appropriate barrel. Then they would return to the first batch of barrels and refill their plates, then sit down and enjoy their hearty meal. It was simple logic. Columbus knew, by operating in this manner at mealtime, it virtually guaranteed that no one would starve. See, when the food supply in the original barrels was depleted -- and land had not yet been sighted -- it was the signal to turn the ships around and head due east, homeward bound. On the return trip, everyone aboard was assured of having as much to eat as they had enjoyed in the first few days of their voyage. Oh, yes, one final historical note: Columbus had yellow hair and a red beard, conclusive proof that his roots were Tyrolean. If you know anybody, or see anybody, with yellow hair and a red beard, ask where their granparents or great-grandparents were born. You'll be in for quite a surprise. Ed Conrad http://www.edconrad.com Man as Old as Coal and Proof of Life After Death |
#2
|
|||
|
|||
HOW (easily) COLUMBUS DISCOVERED AMERICA.
On Wed, 30 Jun 2004 21:51:45 +0000 (UTC), Ed Conrad
wrote: It is a popular misconception to say that ``Columbus took a chance'' on the journey in which he discovered America. The fact is, he actually was placed at minimal risk when the Nina, Pinta and Santa Maria pulled out of port to sail far into the Ocean Blue in Fourteen-hundred-and-ninety-two. The plain fact is, he knew what the hell he was doing. Proving once again what an idiot you are. Granted, Columbus didn't know for sure whether he'd actually discover a new route to India -- his prime objective -- by sailing due west, or whether he'd even reach previously unknown land. His whole argument to Isabella was that he would find a more direct way to India, nothing about discovering other lands. The inquisitors were correct with their calculations, Columbus was WRONG. He though that the circumference of the Earth was much smaller than it is. He's damned lucky that North America got in the way. http://www-istp.gsfc.nasa.gov/stargaze/Scolumb.htm -- Dr.Postman USPS, MBMC, BsD; "Disgruntled, But Unarmed" Member,Board of Directors of afa-b, SKEP-TI-CULT® member #15-51506-253. You can email me at: TuriFake(at)hotmail.com "Did the Venus transit occur during sunset, idiot?" - Grant,on the GLP web board, explains to us how sunrise happens in NY and Asia at the same time. |
#3
|
|||
|
|||
HOW (easily) COLUMBUS DISCOVERED AMERICA.
On Wed, 30 Jun 2004 21:51:45 +0000 (UTC), Ed Conrad
wrote: It is a popular misconception to say that ``Columbus took a chance'' on the journey in which he discovered America. The fact is, he actually was placed at minimal risk when the Nina, Pinta and Santa Maria pulled out of port to sail far into the Ocean Blue in Fourteen-hundred-and-ninety-two. The plain fact is, he knew what the hell he was doing. Proving once again what an idiot you are. Granted, Columbus didn't know for sure whether he'd actually discover a new route to India -- his prime objective -- by sailing due west, or whether he'd even reach previously unknown land. His whole argument to Isabella was that he would find a more direct way to India, nothing about discovering other lands. The inquisitors were correct with their calculations, Columbus was WRONG. He though that the circumference of the Earth was much smaller than it is. He's damned lucky that North America got in the way. http://www-istp.gsfc.nasa.gov/stargaze/Scolumb.htm -- Dr.Postman USPS, MBMC, BsD; "Disgruntled, But Unarmed" Member,Board of Directors of afa-b, SKEP-TI-CULT® member #15-51506-253. You can email me at: TuriFake(at)hotmail.com "Did the Venus transit occur during sunset, idiot?" - Grant,on the GLP web board, explains to us how sunrise happens in NY and Asia at the same time. |
#4
|
|||
|
|||
HOW (easily) COLUMBUS DISCOVERED AMERICA.
Ed Conrad wrote in message . ..
... (By starting his journey in October, it might be noted, Columbus undoubtedly knew that the hurricane season was past. Ever wonder why he didn't set leave port in May or June, a more logical choice?) Columbus left port for his first voyage on August 3rd. He sailed first to the Canaries, and was unexpectedly delayed (so much for his prescience) thereabouts by calm winds until September 8th. Columbus thus set sail into the hurricane zone at right about the peak of the hurricane season (most hurricanes develop in the northern Atlantic between August and October). October 12th was when he *arrived* at the Bahamas, thinking he had found India. ... This is because Columbus had a very high IQ. Despite his IQ, whatever it was, he remained convinced that the "New World" was Asia, and indeed the purpose of his disastrous fourth and final voyage in 1502 was to locate Malaysia in the Caribbean. |
#5
|
|||
|
|||
HOW (easily) COLUMBUS DISCOVERED AMERICA.
Ed Conrad wrote in message . ..
... (By starting his journey in October, it might be noted, Columbus undoubtedly knew that the hurricane season was past. Ever wonder why he didn't set leave port in May or June, a more logical choice?) Columbus left port for his first voyage on August 3rd. He sailed first to the Canaries, and was unexpectedly delayed (so much for his prescience) thereabouts by calm winds until September 8th. Columbus thus set sail into the hurricane zone at right about the peak of the hurricane season (most hurricanes develop in the northern Atlantic between August and October). October 12th was when he *arrived* at the Bahamas, thinking he had found India. ... This is because Columbus had a very high IQ. Despite his IQ, whatever it was, he remained convinced that the "New World" was Asia, and indeed the purpose of his disastrous fourth and final voyage in 1502 was to locate Malaysia in the Caribbean. |
#6
|
|||
|
|||
HOW (easily) COLUMBUS DISCOVERED AMERICA.
|
#7
|
|||
|
|||
HOW (easily) COLUMBUS DISCOVERED AMERICA.
|
Thread Tools | |
Display Modes | |
|
|
Similar Threads | ||||
Thread | Thread Starter | Forum | Replies | Last Post |
what if a comet were to hit north america and destroy it? | meat n potatoes | Astronomy Misc | 39 | July 17th 04 04:36 PM |
European high technology for the International Space Station | Jacques van Oene | Space Station | 0 | May 10th 04 02:40 PM |
NASA Finds Ocean Water on Mars - Long John Silver's Gives America Free Giant Shrimp To Celebrate | Ron | Astronomy Misc | 0 | March 25th 04 05:25 PM |
No Moon, Mars, or Space in the State of the Union Speech [was Audio of Bush's Speech] | GCGassaway | Space Shuttle | 1 | January 22nd 04 12:22 PM |
Bacteria discovered in 4,000 feet of rock fuels Mars comparison (Forwarded) | Andrew Yee | Astronomy Misc | 0 | December 31st 03 04:57 PM |