WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, March 2007

Forwarded to relevant newsgroups -- especially fans of Jeff Relf, Brad
Guth, and Matt Giwer:

Pinku-Sensei wrote:

music"20th Century Fox Fanfare"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ra_9kgqn7DQ
/music

The time has come to announce the winners of the March 2007 Usenet Kook
Awards. Envelopes, please!

musicdrumroll/music

KOOK OF THE MONTH

The winner is...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON!

18 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston
13 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy
03 votes Neither of the above

Congratulations, Lamont! You defeated the kooky leader of one of the
kookiest groups of circle-jerking loons on USENET by doing the one sure
thing to win Kook of the Month--tell AUK you despise them, and then mount a
full-frontal assault on AUK while the vote is going on. It worked like a
charm!

CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH

The winner is...BRAD GUTH!

17 votes Brad Guth
09 votes Jeff "Jazzycat" Noble
03 votes Neither of the above

Congratulations, Guthball. The virus writers want to make sure that the
word about habitable Venus and the Moon Landing Hoax never gets out.
Rilly.

COWARD OF THE MONTH

The winner is...GERALD NEWTON!

17 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska
09 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy
02 votes None of the above
01 votes Mettas Mother

Congratulations, G-dolf! Your attempts to sic an alphabet soup of various
lawyers and investigators, including the FBI, IRS, and SEC (or its European
equivalent) on Databasix, Alcatroll, and Caballista in an attempt to get
Sean to shut up shows just how much the truth about you hurts.

LOONEY MAROON AWARD

The winner is...STEVE CHANEY!

11 votes Steve Chaney
09 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy
09 votes Paine Ellsworth, a.k.a. "Painius" of alt.astronomy
01 votes None of the above

Congratulations, Wonderbra! Quoting J. Wyatt Ehrenfels in a futile attempt
to divert attention to Lamont's way was just the perfect thing to convince
people what a Looney Maroon you really are.

GOLDEN KILLFILE

The winner is...MATT GIWER!

15 votes Matt Giwer
03 votes Roy "Tristan" Hauer
03 votes Neither of the above

Congratulations, Anti-Semite! This just goes to show how much your bigotry
and paranoia are not worth reading.

JOSEPH BARTLO PATHETIC ANAL PINEAPPLE AWARD

The winner is...DR. ANDREW B. CHUNG!

13 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung
11 votes Chuck "Kluck" Lysaght
06 votes Steve Chaney
04 votes Hagar
00 votes None of the above

Congratulations, Double-Doctor! What would Jesus do? Not crow over the
misery of the dearly and recently departed, that's for sure!

PALMJOB PADDLE

The winner is...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON!

12 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston
11 votes Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska
06 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy
02 votes None of the above

Congratulations again, Miguel! You may think you gave as good as you got,
but that still doesn't mean that you weren't the most spanked person on
USENET in March.

TONY SIDAWAY DRAMA QUEEN AWARD

The winner is...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON!

22 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston
04 votes Phil Allison
03 votes Neither of the above

Congratulations yet again, Lamont! All of your grandstanding looked enough
like attention seeking that everyone but me and the Aussies voted for you
over the operatic flouncing of someone who started ranting in ALLCAPS at
the slightest provocation.

VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN WEIRD SCIENCE AWARD

The winner is...JEFF RELF!

13 votes Jeff Relf
03 votes Bill Sheppard
02 votes Neither of the above

Congratulations, Mr. Relf! You finally showed the regulars on sci.physics
that you aren't a complete luser. After all, you won an award for science!

GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY

The winner is...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON!

18 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston
06 votes Paine Ellsworth, a.k.a. "Painius" of alt.astronomy
05 votes Steve Chaney
02 votes None of the above

Congratulations a fourth time, Miguel. Your crusade against what you see
as the shortcomings of the current crop of kookologists (and your idea of
being "real-lifed") certainly got the AUK's attention. Instead of getting
the changes you wanted, you got this nice shiny award. Wasn't that
productive on your part?

GEORGE ARMSTRONG CUSTER "KICKED @$$" AWARD

The winner is...VITO KUHN!

28 votes YES
01 votes NO

Congratulations, Frito! You wanted to clean up USENET and you got your
wish--by being the janitor for B8MBy. Instead of producing clean live
groups in the fam.* hierarchy, you get to remove all the dried husks of
dead froups so far gone even the spammers have forgotten them. Some
victory!

SPECIAL OPS CODY MEMORIAL PURPLE HEART

The winner is...

15 votes Nukleus/Bloxy
07 votes Michael "Howdy/TrumpetoftheLord" Schmidt
03 votes Neither of the above

Congratulations, Nukleus! Talk to us (tinu) when you learn not to Godwin
yourself in the first paragraph of the first poast in a thread.

TAR & FEATHERS

The winner is...MARTIN X. MOLESKI!

17 votes Martin X. Moleski of the Big-8 Management Board
07 votes Catherine Burr
04 votes Neither of the above

Congratulations, Father Moleski! All your efforts are /not/ appreciated by
the clueful!

BUSTED URINAL AWARD

The winner is...NIGHTBAT OF ALT.ASTRONOMY!

15 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy
09 votes Dustin Cook
08 votes Babaloonie
02 votes None of the above

Congratulations, Commander of the 1337 Earth and Spaced-out Science Officer
Corps! I'm sure you'll continue to stink up the joint with all of your
poast-editing, coffee boy lames, and tolerance of the foul-mouthed bigots
in your midst.

UNABOMBER SURPRISE

The winner is...ANDRE LIEVIN!

21 votes YES
00 votes NO

Congratulations, Poutine for Brains! After an entire summer of reading
your screed during the approval process for soc.men.moderated, I can say
this award is quite overdue!

GOOFY AZZED BABBOON

The winner is...WARHOL!

23 votes Warhol
04 votes Neither of the above
02 votes Walter Mautner

Congratulations, Mad Moor! You finally achieved enough proficiency in
English that we (tinw) are now sure that your language says "kook."

BOLO BULLIS FOAM DUCK

The winner is...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON!

16 votes Mike "Miguel" Cranston
10 votes Paine Ellsworth, a.k.a. "Painius" of alt.astronomy
01 votes Neither of the above

Congratulations one more time, Lamont! For all your talk about the
stupidity of your opponents, you managed to convince the voters of your
stupidity instead. How ironic!

Oh, don't leave just yet. You have two more awards coming your way by
consensus of both FNVWs.

TINFOIL SOMBRERO

"An executive award, a Vote Wrangler's privilege, to grant to those out
there who would seek to overthrow the Friendly Neighborhood dictatorship of
this froup. Time and again various Kooks have attempted to either hijack
the awards, start votes of their own, or give the FNVW a free non-expenses-
paid ticket to the Motel Deep 6. This should never go unpunished. Such
insubordination goes beyond the normal bounds of those wacko enough to wear
the tinfoil hat, therefore, the FNVW shall have the privilege of granting
the TINFOIL SOMBRERO, upon receipt of substantial enough evidence of said
insubordination."

For multiple instances of insubordination, ranging from campaigning to
reverse a decision of the voters, to trying to get the FNVW to exercise his
powers on behalf of one of the candidates, I give this award to...MIKE
"MIGUEL" CRANSTON! Enjoy your shiny new headwear!

And finally...

EMMETT GULLEY OBSESSO AWARD

"A special award - reserved solely for the most obsessive, stalker kooks on
Usenet."

The winner is...MIKE "MIGUEL" CRANSTON!

Congratulations one last time! Really interested interested in Kali's
workplace and love life and Pope Snarky's legal name, aren't you?
However, there is one person even more obssessed than you are. Step down;
he deserves to be on the stage all by himself for this presentation.

The winner is...STEVE "BOWTIE" YOUNG!

Congratulations, Flyboi! For lifetime achievement in stalking, harassing,
forging, and outing the personal information of the people you see as your
opponents, you richly deserve this award. May you follow in the footsteps
of E-Mutt Gulley!

ORDER OF THE HOLEY SOCKPUPPET

The winner is...GARY "FLATFISH" STEWART!

12 votes YES
03 votes NO

Congratulations, Flatfish! You aren't a sockpuppeteer? Rilly? Then why
do the regulars of c.o.l.a. think you have so many identities?

BARBARA WOODHOUSE MEMORIAL DOG-WHISTLE AWARD

The winner is...GERALD NEWTON, TRAINED BY SEAN MONAGHAN!

21 votes Gerald Newton, trained by Sean Monaghan
06 votes Brandy Haters Cabal, trained by Brandy Alexandre
01 votes Neither of the above

Congratulations, Sean! You really know how to train them. Now your
collection of merit and merit-like awards is now complete!

HAMMER OF THOR

The winner is...VOLFIE OF AMM-J, A.K.A. "FRAGILE WARRIOR"!

13 votes Volfie of AMM-J, a.k.a. "Fragile Warrior"
07 votes Charlotte L. Blackmer
07 votes Wally Anglesea
01 votes None of the above

Congratulations, Fragile Warrior! You and the rest of the Haterz know how
to swing the hammer and deliver a solid LART!

OFFICE OF DARTH BAWL

The winner is...NIGHTBAT OF ALT.ASTRONOMY!

18 votes Nightbat of alt.astronomy
09 votes Paine Ellsworth, a.k.a. "Painius" of alt.astronomy

Congratulations, Commander! You showed that you were the biggest whiner
and complainer on USENET last month. Care to cry for us (tinw) some more?

OFFICE OF VILLAGE IDIOT

The winner is...PORCHMONKEY4LIFE!

18 votes PorchMonkey4Life
10 votes Chuck "Kluck" Lysaght
05 votes Richard "The St00pid" Bullis

Congratulations, Porchie! You managed to defeat two of the most
notoriously moronic kooks in the history of USENET, both of whom have
occupied this office before. If that doesn't make you known as the dumbest
kook on USENET, I don't know what will.

KOOKI INFORMATION MINISTER

The winner is...DR. ANDREW B. CHUNG!

22 votes Dr. Andrew B. Chung
02 votes Azure

Congratulations again, Double-Doctor! You handily defeated one of the
great purveyors of misinformation around. Now, pleace to tell us (tinu)
about the wonders of your two-pound diet again.

MINISTRY OF CIRCLE JERKS

The winner is...NEWS.GROUPS.PROPOSALS!

19 votes news.groups.proposals
13 votes The Saucerheads of alt.astronomy

Congratulations, B8MBy! You beat off the crew of kooks who keep each other
ready for the day the Seans come (and they do, too ;-). I suppose you have
to do something in your treehouse when you're not approving new groups or
getting Frito to remove dead ones.

This concludes the announcement of the winners of the March 2007 Usenet
Kook Awards. Forty-three people submitted forty-three ballots. Three
ballots were from notorious disenfranchised net.kooks and were discarded.
Fluffy was pleased with the shredded paper in his litter box.
Consequently, forty ballots were deemed valid and counted.

See you all early next month, when girls wear flowers in their hair and
dance around maypoles. Until then, enjoy and all hail Ming, Bob, and
Fluffy!

And now, a special recessional in honor of this month's big w(h)inner,
"Miguel"! Pleace to pay attention to the precision suitcase drill team.

music"Lawyers in Love" by Jackson Browne
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OxZr6A8D3Lg
/music
--
The Co-Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler of AUK
http://www.caballista.org/auk/index.html


--
Supreme Leader of the Brainwashed Followers of Art Deco

"Still suffering from reading comprehension problems, Deco?
The section is clearly attributed to Art Deco, not to you, Deco."
-- Dr. David Tholen

"Who is "David Tholen", Daedalus? Still suffering from
attribution problems?"
-- Dr. David Tholen

"Art Deco" wrote in message
...
Forwarded to relevant newsgroups -- especially fans of Jeff Relf, Brad
Guth, and Matt Giwer:

Thank you "GAY"Lord Deco!

HJ

By all means cyber-terrorism, cruelty, blacklisting, abusing/
blackmailing rights,
Targeting/labeling those who would never me members to is harrassment,
stalking, 'NET kook' resembles jewish labeling of masses and violates
deepest human rights.

Crimes against humanity for the deepest human rights arrogance in
manners
germans pursued jews. Terrorism.

On Apr 10, 11:41 am, wrote:
By all means cyber-terrorism, cruelty, blacklisting, abusing/
blackmailing rights,
Targeting/labeling those who would never me members to is harrassment,
stalking, 'NET kook' resembles jewish labeling of masses and violates
deepest human rights.

Crimes against humanity for the deepest human rights arrogance in
manners
germans pursued jews. Terrorism.

The common psychotic outbreaks relating to framing someone,
name calling extreme, torture prisons resembling scientology
and smudged poop in the corner of a room (the impression is
of a crying person, submissive torture, dominatrix (tight
black leather man, big dark black glasses), sadism, supremacy,
molestation, by all means a game of torture, terroristic threats
of blacklists toward others online, following a huge crowd on the
Internet, discrimination, labels, Europe finds you guilty of
torture, blackmail, psychological prison games on the Internet,
human rights violations and terrorism. 1 year in a mental institution
for stalking, terrorizing, addictive psychotic molestation and
violation of rights (human rights).

You may think you have freedom of speech but history proves
otherwise. Crimes against humanity is recognized for torture,
cyber-terrorism, racist-driven discrimination and supremacy,
criminal pursuit of others, blackmailing.

By all means a human rights violation corresponding to cyber-
terrorism.

Too many victims of your submissive game.

"Art Deco" wrote in message
...
Forwarded to relevant newsgroups -- especially fans of Jeff Relf, Brad
Guth, and Matt Giwer:


VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN WEIRD SCIENCE AWARD

The winner is...JEFF RELF!

13 votes Jeff Relf
03 votes Bill Sheppard
02 votes Neither of the above

Congratulations, Mr. Relf! You finally showed the regulars on sci.physics
that you aren't a complete luser. After all, you won an award for
science!


This brings a little tear to my eyes. Little Jeffina. I am so proud of her.

On Apr 10, 11:53 am, wrote:
On Apr 10, 11:41 am, wrote:

By all means cyber-terrorism, cruelty, blacklisting, abusing/
blackmailing rights,
Targeting/labeling those who would never me members to is harrassment,
stalking, 'NET kook' resembles jewish labeling of masses and violates
deepest human rights.

Crimes against humanity for the deepest human rights arrogance in
manners
germans pursued jews. Terrorism.

The common psychotic outbreaks relating to framing someone,
name calling extreme, torture prisons resembling scientology
and smudged poop in the corner of a room (the impression is
of a crying person, submissive torture, dominatrix (tight
black leather man, big dark black glasses), sadism, supremacy,
molestation, by all means a game of torture, terroristic threats
of blacklists toward others online, following a huge crowd on the
Internet, discrimination, labels, Europe finds you guilty of
torture, blackmail, psychological prison games on the Internet,
human rights violations and terrorism. 1 year in a mental institution
for stalking, terrorizing, addictive psychotic molestation and
violation of rights (human rights).

You may think you have freedom of speech but history proves
otherwise. Crimes against humanity is recognized for torture,
cyber-terrorism, racist-driven discrimination and supremacy,
criminal pursuit of others, blackmailing.

By all means a human rights violation corresponding to cyber-
terrorism.

Too many victims of your submissive game.

It is a terrorism of another person's human rights.

Nobody should be put to another's mercy.

Mental illness.

On Apr 10, 12:03 pm, wrote:
On Apr 10, 11:53 am, wrote:





On Apr 10, 11:41 am, wrote:

By all means cyber-terrorism, cruelty, blacklisting, abusing/
blackmailing rights,
Targeting/labeling those who would never me members to is harrassment,
stalking, 'NET kook' resembles jewish labeling of masses and violates
deepest human rights.

Crimes against humanity for the deepest human rights arrogance in
manners
germans pursued jews. Terrorism.

The common psychotic outbreaks relating to framing someone,
name calling extreme, torture prisons resembling scientology
and smudged poop in the corner of a room (the impression is
of a crying person, submissive torture, dominatrix (tight
black leather man, big dark black glasses), sadism, supremacy,
molestation, by all means a game of torture, terroristic threats
of blacklists toward others online, following a huge crowd on the
Internet, discrimination, labels, Europe finds you guilty of
torture, blackmail, psychological prison games on the Internet,
human rights violations and terrorism. 1 year in a mental institution
for stalking, terrorizing, addictive psychotic molestation and
violation of rights (human rights).

You may think you have freedom of speech but history proves
otherwise. Crimes against humanity is recognized for torture,
cyber-terrorism, racist-driven discrimination and supremacy,
criminal pursuit of others, blackmailing.

By all means a human rights violation corresponding to cyber-
terrorism.

Too many victims of your submissive game.

It is a terrorism of another person's human rights.

Nobody should be put to another's mercy.

Mental illness.

People in dominatrix have erection problems. They go to the
extreme to seek pleasure.

My thoughts on extreme piracy and the Internet:

There is piracy and there is fascist control and confiscation (of
rights, dignity, humanity).
Google has acquired 15 million books worldwide, copied these books
from the largest library sources for profit without checking for
copyright, and established a commercial profit-driven historical
collection of international books. All people who run businesses
prefer to control the market where their products are sold. For
example a radio station in California forbids their radio station to
be heard in Europe as such free transfer of the radio station material
is piracy.

Piracy that went uncontrolled. Piracy that not only confiscates the
world's largest book collection for profit and violates laws of
business, Google believes that free sponsoring of people, assets
(Google profiles and sponsors people online in message boards) is
good.
But it is criminal piracy, one that nobody can win in court against.
Why can't anybody prove that what Google does is illegitimate form of
business excercize? Because Google has a lot of hard-line followers.
Millions of people use usenet. People like to stay away from
accusations and grant those who shape the Internet as those who are
the Internet and as that it is accepted, and best not bothered or
something. Google seem to prove that there is a notion that the
Internet is for sharing and everything there is free. But businesses
are businesses, their products need to be respected in terms of market
decisions. A business does not own a product for others to profit on
freely, a business owns a product and prefers to decide on it's own on
what market the product is sold and who are legitimate distributors of
that product.

Google makes no written contracts, Google is a company that lives off
of free assets. The search engine gathers indexes to web pages and
Google solely decides on what is being presented in a search engine.
The search engine asset is based on freely available information on
the Internet and Google highly guards the technology which decides how
the search engine is organized. Of course through financial options
companies raise their marketing and finding. But there are also web
crawlers that crawl through web pages and collects information for
searches.

The whole mentality of Google is that the assets come freely, and
advertisements attached to searches or money for search engine find/
ranking are taken.
But Google also decided to take a sensitive material: public message
boards where people from around the world can exchange messages, these
message boards contain personal interest discussions but Google took
it granted (piracy) and permanently decided to archive all people and
build profiles on all people who turn to message boards (either work
or private conducts).

No other company to my knowledge profiles and solicits people and
their private messages. Google says sponsoring benefits people and
companies, but this is very degrading and makes people and companies
feel like whores.

There is piracy and there is vicious confiscation of rights,
properties, and one finds the old days of fascism. Fascism was exactly
like that. Fascists swiped through Europe and confiscated rights and
art from museums without caring where those works of art came from.

I am writing because the situation is highly corrupt (in terms of
business).

Nobody should be put to another's mercy but Google excercizes that
when millions of people turn to their customer services for privacy
violations and related problems. Google places that mercy on book
writers and publishers who are forced to turn to Google to have their
commercial product removed from their library for copyright
violations. A company cannot act 'as a pimp over others'.

Google does it. Usenet addicts do it for free. That makes them
skinheads.

T Wake wrote:

"Art Deco" wrote in message
...
Forwarded to relevant newsgroups -- especially fans of Jeff Relf, Brad
Guth, and Matt Giwer:


VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN WEIRD SCIENCE AWARD

The winner is...JEFF RELF!

13 votes Jeff Relf
03 votes Bill Sheppard
02 votes Neither of the above

Congratulations, Mr. Relf! You finally showed the regulars on sci.physics
that you aren't a complete luser. After all, you won an award for
science!


This brings a little tear to my eyes. Little Jeffina. I am so proud of her.

Finally after all that hard work Jeff has some recognition:

http://www.caballista.org/auk/kookle.php?search=relf

--
Supreme Leader of the Brainwashed Followers of Art Deco

"Still suffering from reading comprehension problems, Deco?
The section is clearly attributed to Art Deco, not to you, Deco."
-- Dr. David Tholen

"Who is "David Tholen", Daedalus? Still suffering from
attribution problems?"
-- Dr. David Tholen

In article ,
Art Deco wrote:

T Wake wrote:

"Art Deco" wrote in message
...
Forwarded to relevant newsgroups -- especially fans of Jeff Relf, Brad
Guth, and Matt Giwer:


VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN WEIRD SCIENCE AWARD

The winner is...JEFF RELF!

13 votes Jeff Relf
03 votes Bill Sheppard
02 votes Neither of the above

Congratulations, Mr. Relf! You finally showed the regulars on sci.physics
that you aren't a complete luser. After all, you won an award for
science!


This brings a little tear to my eyes. Little Jeffina. I am so proud of her.

Finally after all that hard work Jeff has some recognition:

http://www.caballista.org/auk/kookle.php?search=relf


And against Bill too. Stiff competition.

--
Got mail? I did ;-) Three and counting.
Got proof? Not yet, still waiting.