WORLD SERIES RETURNS FROM "PLANET OF THE APES"

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LATE BULLETIN
======================

ST. LOUIS (Rueters) -- There
will be NO MORE beards or fuzzy
faces in this year's World Series.

Both the St. Louis Cardinals
and Texas Rangers have agreed to
shave their beards and/or whiskers
for tonight's crucial sixth game.

"For God sake, this is a WORLD
SERIES, not an outtake of "Planet of
the Apes," said noted baseball writer
Dick Young, via a seance.

Biill O'Reilly, a lukewarm sports
analyst but a helluva bullcrap artist,
agreed and put the victory in the
proper perspective.

"This may be one small step for
man," Billo remarked. "But it indeed
is one giant leap for mankind."

Sean "Ins" Hannity and Ann
"Douche Bag" Coulter had the
day off and were not available
to comment..

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EARLY BULLETIN
======================

COOPERSTOWN, NY. (Rueters) --
The American Civil Liberties Union
has filed a class-action lawsuit
against the World Series, the Fox
TV Network and the Schick and
Gillette Razor Blade companies.

It contends that, by allowing so
many St. Louis Cardinals and quite
a few Texas Rangers to play with
beards, it could set a trend and put
more and more American barbers
out of work.

"Thank God for resolving what
was a revolting development,." said
R. J. "Rip" Van Winkle, a Barbers'
Union spokesman, in a prepared
statement.

"The Cardinals and Rangers were
a disgrace to the National Pastime,
to Apple Pie, to Motherhood and --
Lest we forget -- to Kate Smith's
'God Bless America'."

A few baseball historians claim
Babe Ruth wore a beard for one
Yankee game but no physical
evidence could be found -- and it
has always been regarded as an
unfounded, disgusting rumor.

Until this morning, that is . . .

Look what we found after ripping
off wallpaper in great-grandpa's
old room -- THIS, along with lots
and lots of vulgar lady pictures.

http://s3.hubimg.com/u/3162974_f520.jpg

As for the current Beard Issue,
baseball fans complained that,
when they first tuned in to the
World Series this year, they
rubbed their eyes in wonder.

Most thought they clicked on the
wrong channel and were watching
re-runs of games played by the
House of David, that famous
barnstorming team of yesteryear.

CNN reported President Obama had
instructed the Cardinals and Rangers
to clean up their act and show up at
the ballpark tonight with cheeks as
smooth as a baby's rear end.

When the Ump calls "PLAY BALL!"
to begin the sixth game in the
series, you'll be quite impressed
at how well both teams listen to
the Boss' orders..

OFFICIAL PHOTO 2011 ST. LOUIE CARDS

http://www.adkinandadkin.com/images/hod3.JPG

==================

This message was brought to you by:

ED CONRAD
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/Dartboard.jpg

http://www.edconrad.org
and
http://www.edconrad.com

===============

The following sports fans -- some living, some dead -- have e-mailed
Ed Conrad to tell him it's about time Major League Baseball had some
balls -- and they don't mean little white round ones.

We mean THESE kind.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedi...otum071007.jpg

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60 Minutes

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BACK AFTER A COMMERCIAL MESSAGE

Play the Pipe Organ as Well as Ed Conrad

http://www.nurple.com/sideshow/

=======================

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