HOW (easily) COLUMBUS DISCOVERED AMERICA.

The following is based on what David Fellin insisted he had
personally witnessed during one of his numerous out-of-body
experiences -- including trips back in time -- while he was
entombed for 14 days following a coal mine cave-in in Penna.
in 1963:

================

It is a popular misconception to say that ``Columbus took a chance''
on the journey in which he discovered America.

The fact is, he actually was placed at minimal risk when the
Nina, Pinta and Santa Maria pulled out of port to sail far
into the Ocean Blue in Fourteen-hundred-and-ninety-two.

The plain fact is, he knew what the hell he was doing.

Granted, Columbus didn't know for sure whether he'd actually discover
a new route to India -- his prime objective -- by sailing due west,
or whether he'd even reach previously unknown land.

But he knew, if the weatherman cooperated, he and his crews would be
as safe as if in their own beds.

(By starting his journey in October, it might be noted, Columbus
undoubtedly knew that the hurricane season was past. Ever wonder why
he didn't set leave port in May or June, a more logical choice?)

In any event, all Columbus and his crew needed was patience, patience
and more patience. Sail on! Sail on! Sail on!

The only thing somewhat unusual about the trip was the sight to behold
on a table in the center of Columbus' small cabin. It contained a
weird-looking contraption, a cumbersome boxed compass. And every once
in a while, the skipper glanced at the needle to make sure they were
staying on the due-west course.

Although invented more than a century earlier, the compass was
considered little more than an object of curiosity and nothing better
than an unusual child's toy. But Columbus, aware of its potential,
had been using his compass successfully for years.

On many previous trips into the Wild Blue Yonder, Columbus always
managed to arrive safely back at port in one piece, thanks to his
compass.

In fact, it got to the point that his closest friends stopped calling
him Chris or (his last name) Colon. They kiddingly started calling
him ``Columbo," the Latin word for pigeon .

Columbus earned their respect -- and his nickname -- because, to them,
he had developed a reputation as a homing pigeon. No matter in which
direction he set sail when bound for the open sea, he ALWAYS managed
to return.

That Columbus' most intimate friends spoke Latin should come as no
surprise, either, because, after all, he had been born in The Tyrol,
high in the Alps.

(It is generally -- and erroneously -- believed that Columbus was
Italian. For one thing, Italy didn't even exist back then).

Sail on! Sail on! Sail on!

``Okay, smartass," you're asking. ``What about a food supply?
If Columbus kept sailing and didn't reach land, wouldn't he and his
crew die of starvation?"

The answer, quite obviously, is *NO*.

This is because Columbus had a very high IQ.

Before any of his ships left port, numerous barrels containing a
variety of diffferent food items were placed aboard on one side in the
hold. Strangely, the same number of EMPTY same-size barrels were
stationed on the opposite side in the hold.

Every mealtime, Columbus and members of the crew would fill their
plates to their liking, then walk over to the once-empty barrels and
dump the different food item items into the appropriate barrel.

Then they would return to the first batch of barrels and refill their
plates, then sit down and enjoy their hearty meal.

It was simple logic.

Columbus knew, by operating in this manner at mealtime, it virtually
guaranteed that no one would starve. See, when the food supply in the
original barrels was depleted -- and land had not yet been sighted --
it was the signal to turn the ships around and head due east, homeward
bound.

On the return trip, everyone aboard was assured of having as much to
eat as they had enjoyed in the first few days of their voyage.

Oh, yes, one final historical note: Columbus had yellow hair and a red
beard, conclusive proof that his roots were Tyrolean.

If you know anybody, or see anybody, with yellow hair and a red
beard, ask where their granparents or great-grandparents were born.
You'll be in for quite a surprise.

Ed Conrad
http://www.edconrad.com

Man as Old as Coal
and
Proof of Life After Death

On Wed, 30 Jun 2004 21:51:45 +0000 (UTC), Ed Conrad
wrote:


It is a popular misconception to say that ``Columbus took a chance''
on the journey in which he discovered America.

The fact is, he actually was placed at minimal risk when the
Nina, Pinta and Santa Maria pulled out of port to sail far
into the Ocean Blue in Fourteen-hundred-and-ninety-two.

The plain fact is, he knew what the hell he was doing.

Proving once again what an idiot you are.


Granted, Columbus didn't know for sure whether he'd actually discover
a new route to India -- his prime objective -- by sailing due west,
or whether he'd even reach previously unknown land.

His whole argument to Isabella was that he would find a more
direct way to India, nothing about discovering other lands.

The inquisitors were correct with their calculations, Columbus was
WRONG. He though that the circumference of the Earth was
much smaller than it is. He's damned lucky that North America
got in the way.
http://www-istp.gsfc.nasa.gov/stargaze/Scolumb.htm






--
Dr.Postman USPS, MBMC, BsD; "Disgruntled, But Unarmed"
Member,Board of Directors of afa-b, SKEP-TI-CULT® member #15-51506-253.
You can email me at: TuriFake(at)hotmail.com

"Did the Venus transit occur during sunset, idiot?"
- Grant,on the GLP web board, explains to us how
sunrise happens in NY and Asia at the same time.

On Wed, 30 Jun 2004 21:51:45 +0000 (UTC), Ed Conrad
wrote:


It is a popular misconception to say that ``Columbus took a chance''
on the journey in which he discovered America.

The fact is, he actually was placed at minimal risk when the
Nina, Pinta and Santa Maria pulled out of port to sail far
into the Ocean Blue in Fourteen-hundred-and-ninety-two.

The plain fact is, he knew what the hell he was doing.

Proving once again what an idiot you are.


Granted, Columbus didn't know for sure whether he'd actually discover
a new route to India -- his prime objective -- by sailing due west,
or whether he'd even reach previously unknown land.

His whole argument to Isabella was that he would find a more
direct way to India, nothing about discovering other lands.

The inquisitors were correct with their calculations, Columbus was
WRONG. He though that the circumference of the Earth was
much smaller than it is. He's damned lucky that North America
got in the way.
http://www-istp.gsfc.nasa.gov/stargaze/Scolumb.htm






--
Dr.Postman USPS, MBMC, BsD; "Disgruntled, But Unarmed"
Member,Board of Directors of afa-b, SKEP-TI-CULT® member #15-51506-253.
You can email me at: TuriFake(at)hotmail.com

"Did the Venus transit occur during sunset, idiot?"
- Grant,on the GLP web board, explains to us how
sunrise happens in NY and Asia at the same time.

Ed Conrad wrote in message . ..
...
(By starting his journey in October, it might be noted, Columbus
undoubtedly knew that the hurricane season was past. Ever wonder why
he didn't set leave port in May or June, a more logical choice?)

Columbus left port for his first voyage on August 3rd. He sailed first
to the Canaries, and was unexpectedly delayed (so much for his
prescience) thereabouts by calm winds until September 8th. Columbus
thus set sail into the hurricane zone at right about the peak of the
hurricane season (most hurricanes develop in the northern Atlantic
between August and October).

October 12th was when he *arrived* at the Bahamas, thinking he had
found India.

...
This is because Columbus had a very high IQ.

Despite his IQ, whatever it was, he remained convinced that the "New
World" was Asia, and indeed the purpose of his disastrous fourth and
final voyage in 1502 was to locate Malaysia in the Caribbean.

Ed Conrad wrote in message . ..
...
(By starting his journey in October, it might be noted, Columbus
undoubtedly knew that the hurricane season was past. Ever wonder why
he didn't set leave port in May or June, a more logical choice?)

Columbus left port for his first voyage on August 3rd. He sailed first
to the Canaries, and was unexpectedly delayed (so much for his
prescience) thereabouts by calm winds until September 8th. Columbus
thus set sail into the hurricane zone at right about the peak of the
hurricane season (most hurricanes develop in the northern Atlantic
between August and October).

October 12th was when he *arrived* at the Bahamas, thinking he had
found India.

...
This is because Columbus had a very high IQ.

Despite his IQ, whatever it was, he remained convinced that the "New
World" was Asia, and indeed the purpose of his disastrous fourth and
final voyage in 1502 was to locate Malaysia in the Caribbean.

On Fri, 9 Jul 2004 18:36:22 +0000 (UTC), (Lam Son
719) wrote:

Ed Conrad wrote in message . ..
...
(By starting his journey in October, it might be noted, Columbus
undoubtedly knew that the hurricane season was past. Ever wonder why
he didn't set leave port in May or June, a more logical choice?)

Columbus left port for his first voyage on August 3rd. He sailed first
to the Canaries, and was unexpectedly delayed (so much for his
prescience) thereabouts by calm winds until September 8th. Columbus
thus set sail into the hurricane zone at right about the peak of the
hurricane season (most hurricanes develop in the northern Atlantic
between August and October).

October 12th was when he *arrived* at the Bahamas, thinking he had
found India.

...
This is because Columbus had a very high IQ.

Despite his IQ, whatever it was, he remained convinced that the "New
World" was Asia, and indeed the purpose of his disastrous fourth and
final voyage in 1502 was to locate Malaysia in the Caribbean.

High IQ? Fiddle sticks. He was an excellent seamen who came up through
the ranks, and an even better politician able to raise the money to
back the voyage which was a big gamble. He was not sailing around like
the vikings, he had a definite goal in mind, even if he was a bit
confused about where he really was. 500 years later a young airmail
pilot had the same abilities, and claimed a prize for inaugurating air
service, NY to Paris.

On Fri, 9 Jul 2004 18:36:22 +0000 (UTC), (Lam Son
719) wrote:

Ed Conrad wrote in message . ..
...
(By starting his journey in October, it might be noted, Columbus
undoubtedly knew that the hurricane season was past. Ever wonder why
he didn't set leave port in May or June, a more logical choice?)

Columbus left port for his first voyage on August 3rd. He sailed first
to the Canaries, and was unexpectedly delayed (so much for his
prescience) thereabouts by calm winds until September 8th. Columbus
thus set sail into the hurricane zone at right about the peak of the
hurricane season (most hurricanes develop in the northern Atlantic
between August and October).

October 12th was when he *arrived* at the Bahamas, thinking he had
found India.

...
This is because Columbus had a very high IQ.

Despite his IQ, whatever it was, he remained convinced that the "New
World" was Asia, and indeed the purpose of his disastrous fourth and
final voyage in 1502 was to locate Malaysia in the Caribbean.

High IQ? Fiddle sticks. He was an excellent seamen who came up through
the ranks, and an even better politician able to raise the money to
back the voyage which was a big gamble. He was not sailing around like
the vikings, he had a definite goal in mind, even if he was a bit
confused about where he really was. 500 years later a young airmail
pilot had the same abilities, and claimed a prize for inaugurating air
service, NY to Paris.