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1 minute play: "Relative G"
1 minute play: "Relative G"
G_D: Welcome to heaven. Mankind has destroyed itself by war but I'm giving you a chance to change it in this time machine. (Andrew pointing at Brian) ANDREW (meekly): But I'm an artist. He's the scientist. G_D (angrily): I'm still putting you both back in turn 5 years into the past. (BRIAN falling to his knees) BRIAN: Will I be given a lab? G_D: You'll have complete control of the world. (BRIAN rises from his knees) ANDREW: So how do we stop the end? G_D (imperiously): Know this. Some of my creations use atomic explosions to fly between my stars. (Exit stage ANDREW. Lights off/on or gong sounds to indicate five years later) G_D: Welcome back. (BRIAN falling to his knees) BRIAN: I failed. G_D: Why? (BRIAN rises from his knees) BRIAN (imperiously): The speed of light barrier. Immense G forces! Cannot be overcome by our best theories. (Exit stage G_D. Lights off/on or gong sounds to indicate five years later. Enter stage ANDREW. ANDREW carries in one hand an empty but clean regular-size food tin-can) (BRIAN hugs Andrew) BRIAN: How did you do it? ANDREW (casually): I commanded the first ever atomic explosion in space. BRIAN: Didn't it destroy the satellites? ANDREW (hesitantly): 90% BRIAN: Heavens above! What next? ANDREW: I told the scientists to test again and the last 10% fell. (ANDREW hands the empty tin can to BRIAN) ANDREW: Straight away I said put this bang in a tin-can. (BRAIN revolving the tin-can in his hands and peering into the empty interior) BRIAN: They understood? ANDREW: Yes, we made a 50 tonne tin-can. (BRAIN clasps with both hands ANDREW'S shoulders) BRIAN: It worked? ANDREW: No, it splintered into a million pieces. (BRAIN releases ANDREW'S shoulders and stands back a bit) ANDREW: I said to them make me one more but weighing ten thousand tonnes. (BRAIN speaks while throwing his hands into air to gesture absurdity) BRIAN: Rubbish! That's too heavy to put into space. (ANDREW speaks while opening and showing both palms to the audience) ANDREW: So I asked the astronauts to assemble it in orbit. (BRIAN stands on tiptoes and moves the tin-can in an arc at full stretch) BRIAN: Eureka! (ANDREW gesturing a shooting star or fast car movement with one hand - Grease Lightning parody style) ANDREW: Upon detonation the tin-can left our solar system. END |
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