POOR MADONNA KO'd FROM SUPER BOWL

INDIANAPOLIS (Fox Exclusive) ---
Super Bowl fans were in for a major
disappointment today when it was
revealed that Madonna has laryngitis
and will be unable to perform at
halftime.

Instead, she will be replaced by one
Ed Conrad who, while playing a guitar,
will sing:

"Evolutionists, their interests so vested
"And Poor Truth, for too long molested.
"Their deceit and deception
"Near the point of perfection
"If it were my call, they'd ALL be arrested."

Afterwards, Super Bowl fans -- in single
file -- will be allowed to walk onto the
field and examine some of the petrified
human remains that Ed discovered
between coal veins.

This, of course, will take time and
the second half of the game probably
won't start until just before midnight.

If time permits, Mr, Conrad will have
venders distribute copies of:

http://groups.google.com/group/alt.f...a55ff37dd0db79

Known only as Madonna -- she
shortened her name to save ink --
Madonna Louise Ciccone has been
the highest-paid entertainer for years.

However, she recently lost the title
when Cecil Fielder, just slightly better
than an average baseball player, was
signed to a $24 million contract with
the Detroit Tigers -- reportedly at
gunpoint.

Laryngitis is swelling and irritation
(inflammation) of the voice box
(larynx) that is usually associated
with hoarseness or loss of voice.

The voice box (larynx) is located
at the top of the airway to the lungs
(trachea). The larynx contains the
vocal cords. When the vocal cords
become inflamed or infected, they
swell. This can cause hoarseness
and may block the airway.

=============

The following has nothing whatsoever
with the article above. We just couldn't
find a trash basket and decided to
throw it here.

http://www.edconrad.org

==================

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Rank Newspaper Circulation
1. USA Today (Arlington, Va.) 2,528,437
2. Wall Street Journal (NY, N.Y.) 2,058,342
3. Times (New York, N.Y.) 1,683,855
4. Times (Los Angeles) 1,231,318
5. Post (Washington, DC) 960,684
6. Tribune (Chicago) 957,212
7. Daily News (New York, N.Y.) 795,153
8. Inquirer (Philadelphia) 705,965
9. Post/Rocky Mountain News (Denver) 704,806
10. Chronicle (Houston) 692,557
11. Post (New York, N.Y.) 691,420
12. News/Free Press (Detroit) 669,315
13. Morning News (Dallas) 649,709
14. Star Tribune (Minneapolis) 606,698
15. Globe (Boston) 604,068
16. Star-Ledger (Newark, N.J.) 599,628
17. Journal-Constitution (Atlanta) 561,405
18. Arizona Republic (Phoenix) 556,465
19. Newsday (Long Island, N.Y.) 488,825
20. Chronicle (San Francisco) 451,504
21. Plain Dealer (Cleveland) 450,875
22. Times/Post-Intelligencer (Seattle) 435,581
23. Post-Dispatch (St. Louis) 423,291
24. Times (St. Petersburg, Fla.) 422,410
25. Union-Tribune (San Diego) 408,392
26. Journal Sentinel (Milwaukee) 405,355
27. Sun (Baltimore) 401,918
28. Herald (Miami) 390,171
29. Oregonian (Portland) 384,729
30. Post-Gazette (Pittsburgh, Pa.) 373,980
31. Star (Kansas City, Mo.) 367,712
32. Register (Orange County, Calif.) 354,632
33. Dispatch (Columbus, Ohio) 352,510
34. Star (Indianapolis) 347,217
35. Express-News (San Antonio, Tex.) 342,709
36. Sentinel (Orlando, Fla.) 341,025
37. S. Florida Sun Fort Lauderdale Fla) 339,728
38. Bee (Sacramento, Calif.) 330,993
39. Star-Telegram (Fort Worth, Tex.) 322,824
40. Tribune & Times (Tampa, Fla.) 309,916
41. Enquirer/Post (Cincinnati) 293,151
42. Daily Oklahoman (Oklahoma City) 287,505
43. Democrat-Gazette Little Rock, Ark 275,991
44. Observer (Charlotte, N.C.) 274,125
45. News (Buffalo, N.Y.) 273,177
46. Courant (Hartford, Conn.) 272,918
47. Courier-Journal (Louisville, Ky.) 271,920
48. Mercury News (San Jose, Calif.) 263,373
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50. Register (Des Moines, Iowa) 240,912
51. Tennessean (Nashville) 236,563
52. World-Herald (Omaha, Neb.) 231,115
53. Herald (Boston) 230,344
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55. Virginian-Pilot (Norfolk, Va.) 225,730
56. Times-Union (Jacksonville, Fla.) 222,392
57. Democrat and Chronicle (Rochester, N.Y.) 219,660
58. Times-Dispatch (Richmond, Va.) 219,595
59. Review-Journal (Las Vegas) 219,228
60. Journal (Providence, R.I.) 218,388
61. Commercial Appeal (Memphis) 216,705
62 News & Observer (Raleigh, N.C.) 213,878
63. Post (W. Palm Beach, Fla.) 211,697
64. Investors Business Daily (Los Angeles) 210,708
65. Record (Hackensack, N.J.) 206,086
66. Asbury Park Press (Neptune, N.J.) 199,723
67. Contra Costa Times (Walnut Creek, Calif.) 190,613
68. Press-Enterprise (Riverside, Calif.) 189,000
69. Daily News (Los Angeles) 187,740
70. Bee (Fresno, Calif.) 183,744
71. Press (Grand Rapids, Mich.) 182,810
72. News (Birmingham, Ala.) 180,451
73. Daily Star (Tucson, Ariz.) 173,064
74. Beacon Journal (Akron, Ohio) 170,870
75. Daily News (Dayton, Ohio) 168,645
76. Post-Standard (Syracuse, N.Y.) 168,393
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78. Advertiser (Honolulu) 160,723
79. Tribune-Review (Greensburg, Pa.) 158,013
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81. News-Sentinel (Knoxville, Tenn.) 152,945
82. Tribune/Deseret News (Salt Lake City) 151,422
83. Morning Call (Allentown, Pa.) 150,936
84. Journal (Albuquerque) 149,455
85. Wisconsin State Journal/Capital Times (Madison, Wis.)
148,489
86. Patriot-News (Harrisburg, Pa.) 148,301
87. Journal News (White Plains, N.Y.) 144,231
88. Eagle (Wichita, Kans.) 143,948
89. Herald-Leader (Lexington, Ky.) 141,019
90. State (Columbia, S.C.) 140,362
91. Herald-Tribune (Sarasota, Fla.) 138,675
92. News Tribune (Tacoma, Wash.) 137,730
93. News Journal (Wilmington, Del.) 134,865
94. Times Union (Albany, N.Y.) 133,787
95. La Opinion (Los Angeles) 128,553
96. Republican (Springfield, Mass.) 125,864
97. News-Journal (Daytona Beach, Fla.) 125,754
98. Daily News (Philadelphia) 123,483
99. Journal Gazette/News-Sentinel (Fort Wayne, Ind.) 121,475
100. Spokesman-Review (Spokane, Wash.) 120,632

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1. Yomiuri Shimbun 10,021,000 Tokyo, Japan
2. Asahi Shimbun 8,054,000 Tokyo, Japan
3. Sichuan Daily 8,000,000 Chengdu, China
4. Mainichi Shimbun 3,912,000 Tokyo, Japan
5. Bild 3,548,000 Hamburg, Germany
6. X Cankao Xiaoxi 3,183,000 Beijing, China
7. Times of India 3,146,000 New Delhi, India
8. Nihon Keizai Shimbun (The Nikkei) 3,053,000 Tokyo,
Japan
9. Sun 2,821,618 London, United Kingdom
10. People's Daily 2,808,000 Beijing, China
11. Chunichi Shimbun 2,755,000 Nagoya, Japan
12. Chosun Ilbo 2,300,000 Seoul, Korea (South)
13. Tokyo Sports 2,230,000 Tokyo, Japan
14. Sankei Shimbun 2,204,000 Tokyo, Japan
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16. Dainik Jagran 2,168,000 Kanpur, India
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19. Daily Mail 2,050,132 London, United Kingdom
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21. Yangtse Evening Post 1,810,000 Nanjing, China
22. Sports Nippon 1,800,000 Osaka, Japan
23. USA Today 1,784,242 Washington DC
24. GuangZhou Daily 1,680,000 Guangzhou, China
25. X Yukan Fuji 1,559,000 Tokyo, Japan
26. Malayala Manorama 1,514,000 Kottayam, India
27. X Guangzhou Information Times 1,480,000Guangzhou, China
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29. Sankei Sports 1,368,000 Tokyo, Japan
30. Anandabazar Patrika 1,277,000 Calcutta, India
31. Hindu 1,272,000 Chennai, India
32. Amar Ujala 1,230,000 Agra, India
33. Hokkaido Shimbun 1,201,000 Sapporo, Japan
34. Daily Mirror 1,185,729 London, United Kingdom
35. Yangcheng Evening News 1,170,000 Guangzhou, China
36. New York Times 1,150,589 New York City, USA
37. Dainik Bhaskar 1,147,000 Raipur, India
38. Hindustan 1,142,000 New Delhi, India
39. Chutian Metro Daily 1,140,000 Wuhan, China
40. X Guangzhou New Express 1,132,000 Guangzhou, China
41. Eenadu ,130,000 Andhra, India
42. Mathrubhumi 1,077,000 Kozhikode, India
43. Gujarat Samachar 1,051,000 Ahmedabad, India
44. X Qilu Evening News 1,050,000 Jinan, China
45. Global Times 1,042,000 Beijing, China
46. Sports Hochi 1,015,000 Tokyo, Japan
47. Daily Sports 999,000 Tokyo, Japan
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50. X Qianjiang Evening News 951,000 Hangzhou, China
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52. X Tianjin Today Evening News 910,000 Tianjin, China
53. Punjab Kesari 902,000 New Delhi, India
54. Dinakaran 901,000 Chennai, India
55. Al-Ahram 900,000 Cairo, Egypt
56. Bangkok Daily News 900,000 Bangkok, Thailand
57. X Peninsula City News 900,000 Shenyang, China
58. Deccan Chronicle 885,000 Hyderabad, India
59. Kronen Zeitung 881,000 Vienna, Austria
60. Sakal 879,000 Pune, India
61. Daily Thanthi 854,000 Chennai, India
62. Nanfang Daily 850,000 Guangzhou, China
63. X Wuhan Evening News 850,000 Wuhan, China
64. Nishinippon Shimbun 849,000 Fukuoka, Japan
65. Divya Bhaskar 840,000 Ahmedabad, India
66. Dahe Daily 830,000 Zhengzhou, China
67. Liaoshen Evening News 826,000 Shenyang, China
68. Kyoto Shimbun 825,000 Kyoto, Japan
69. Kobe Shimbun 821,000 Kobe, Japan
70. Chunichi Sports 808,000 Tokyo, Japan
71. Rajasthan Patrika 804,000 Jaipur, India
72. Al-Gomhuria 800,000 Cairo, Egypt
73. Beijing Evening News 800,000 Beijing, China
74. Daily Jang 800,000 Karachi, Pakistan
75. Kom Chad Luek 800,000 Bangkok, Thailand
76. Maeil Economic Daily 800,000 Seoul, Korea (South)
77. Western China City Daily 800,000 Chengdu, China
78. X Nanjing Modern Express 790,000 Nanjing, China
79. Ouest France 789,000 Rennes, France
80. Aj Di Awaaz 748,000 Jalandhar, India
81. Sandesh 743,000 Ahmedabad, India
82. Komsomolskaya Pravda 735,000 Moscow, Russia
83. Taiwan Liberty Times 723,000 Taipei, Taiwan
84. Chugoku Shimbun 718,000 Hiroshima, Japan
85. Shikoku News 718,000 Shizuoka, Japan
86. Shizuoka Shimbun 718,000 Shizuoka, Japan
87. Daily Star 706,757 London, United Kingdom
88. De Telegraaf 702,000 Amsterdam, Netherlands
89. Hankook Ilbo 700,000 Seoul, Korea (South)
90. X Jinling Evening News 700,000 Nanjing, China
91. Moskovskiy Komsomolets 700,000 Moscow, Russia
92. Rakyat Merdeka 700,000 Jakarta, Indonesia
93. Fakt 686,000 Warsaw, Poland
94. Corriere della Sera 664,000 Milan, Italy
95. Khao Sod 650,000 Bangkok, Thailand
96. Today's Zaman 637,000 Istanbul, Turkey
97. Posta Gazetesi 635,000 Istanbul, Turkey
98. Daily Telegraph 634,113 London, United Kingdom
99. La Repubblica 624,000 Rome, Italy