#1
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Astro joke ...
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson are going camping. They pitch their tent
under the stars and go to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night, Holmes wakes Watson up: "Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you deduce." Watson says, "I see millions of stars and even if a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth, and if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life." Holmes replied: "Watson, you idiot, somebody stole our tent." |
#2
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"Carusus" wrote...
in message ... Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson are going camping. They pitch their tent under the stars and go to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night, Holmes wakes Watson up: "Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you deduce." Watson says, "I see millions of stars and even if a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth, and if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life." Holmes replied: "Watson, you idiot, somebody stole our tent." AIR FORCE DENIES STORIES OF UFO CRASH... Press release by: Jim Griffith ) Valles Marineris (MPI) - A spokesthing for Mars Air Force denounced as false rumors that an alien space craft crashed in the desert, outside of Ares Vallis on Friday. Appearing at a press conference today, General Rgrmrmy The Lesser, stated that "the object was, in fact, a harmless high-altitude weather balloon, not an alien spacecraft". The story broke late Friday night when a major stationed at nearby Ares Vallis Air Force Base contacted the Valles Marineris Daily Record with a story about a strange, balloon- shaped object which allegedly came down in the nearby desert, "bouncing" several times before coming to a stop, "deflating in a sudden explosion of alien gases". Minutes later, General Rgrmrmy The Lesser contacted the Daily Record telepathically to contradict the earlier report. General Rgrmrmy The Lesser stated that hysterical stories of a detachable vehicle roaming across the Martian desert were blatant fiction, provoked by incidences involving swamp gas. But the general public has been slow to accept the Air Force's explanation of recent events, preferring to speculate on the "other-worldly" nature of the crash debris. Conspiracy theorists have condemned Rgrmrmy's statements as evidence of "an obvious government cover- up", pointing out that Mars has no swamps. HEAVENLY BODIES... Whenever anyone asks me what my hobbies are, I always say I enjoy watching heavenly bodies. MICROPEEKS... A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender replies, "For you, no charge." Two atoms are walking down the street and they run in to each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I'm positive!" YOU KNOW YOU'RE A DEEP SKY PERSON WHEN... 1. ... you consider the moon a major annoyance. 2. ... you consider Jupiter 'light pollution'. 3. ... you spend most of your time looking at or for objects you can barely see. 4. ... your favorite objects are objects you can barely see. 5. ... you enjoy looking at faint fuzzies with the smallest possible aperture. 6. ... you enjoy looking at faint fuzzies with the largest possible aperture. 7. ... you like to choose objects that are easier to imagine than to see. 8. ... your observing schedule demands that you search for objects in twilight. 9. ... you keep thinking that if only the stars would go away, it might really get dark. 10. ... you wonder how your favorite objects missed getting included in the New General Catalog or the Index Catalog. 11. ... you're not sure that anything in this solar system counts as astronomy anymore. 12. ... you're amazed that anyone needs artificial light to read charts. 13. ... you could do a Messier Marathon from memory, if you still bothered with Messier objects. 14. ... you can read all the NGC abbreviated visual descriptions without using the key, but you have to be careful not to cheat by just remembering what things look like. 15. ... you view a major earthquake as an opportunity for a close- in dark-sky star party. 16. ... you welcome (and have even considered instigating) power outages, but only if they occur on clear moonless nights. Thanks goes to: Randy Muller ) Jay Reynolds Freeman ) Stephen Tonkin ) AND... http://www.open.hr/space/space/jokes.phtml happy days and... starry starry nights! -- Tender is my love for thee Oh star so close at hand, Warming those so dear to me As we lay on the sand... It's so easy to believe In all this beachin' fun, That some day you and i will be-- Altogether one. Paine Ellsworth |
#3
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"Carusus" wrote...
in message ... Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson are going camping. They pitch their tent under the stars and go to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night, Holmes wakes Watson up: "Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you deduce." Watson says, "I see millions of stars and even if a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth, and if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life." Holmes replied: "Watson, you idiot, somebody stole our tent." AIR FORCE DENIES STORIES OF UFO CRASH... Press release by: Jim Griffith ) Valles Marineris (MPI) - A spokesthing for Mars Air Force denounced as false rumors that an alien space craft crashed in the desert, outside of Ares Vallis on Friday. Appearing at a press conference today, General Rgrmrmy The Lesser, stated that "the object was, in fact, a harmless high-altitude weather balloon, not an alien spacecraft". The story broke late Friday night when a major stationed at nearby Ares Vallis Air Force Base contacted the Valles Marineris Daily Record with a story about a strange, balloon- shaped object which allegedly came down in the nearby desert, "bouncing" several times before coming to a stop, "deflating in a sudden explosion of alien gases". Minutes later, General Rgrmrmy The Lesser contacted the Daily Record telepathically to contradict the earlier report. General Rgrmrmy The Lesser stated that hysterical stories of a detachable vehicle roaming across the Martian desert were blatant fiction, provoked by incidences involving swamp gas. But the general public has been slow to accept the Air Force's explanation of recent events, preferring to speculate on the "other-worldly" nature of the crash debris. Conspiracy theorists have condemned Rgrmrmy's statements as evidence of "an obvious government cover- up", pointing out that Mars has no swamps. HEAVENLY BODIES... Whenever anyone asks me what my hobbies are, I always say I enjoy watching heavenly bodies. MICROPEEKS... A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender replies, "For you, no charge." Two atoms are walking down the street and they run in to each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I'm positive!" YOU KNOW YOU'RE A DEEP SKY PERSON WHEN... 1. ... you consider the moon a major annoyance. 2. ... you consider Jupiter 'light pollution'. 3. ... you spend most of your time looking at or for objects you can barely see. 4. ... your favorite objects are objects you can barely see. 5. ... you enjoy looking at faint fuzzies with the smallest possible aperture. 6. ... you enjoy looking at faint fuzzies with the largest possible aperture. 7. ... you like to choose objects that are easier to imagine than to see. 8. ... your observing schedule demands that you search for objects in twilight. 9. ... you keep thinking that if only the stars would go away, it might really get dark. 10. ... you wonder how your favorite objects missed getting included in the New General Catalog or the Index Catalog. 11. ... you're not sure that anything in this solar system counts as astronomy anymore. 12. ... you're amazed that anyone needs artificial light to read charts. 13. ... you could do a Messier Marathon from memory, if you still bothered with Messier objects. 14. ... you can read all the NGC abbreviated visual descriptions without using the key, but you have to be careful not to cheat by just remembering what things look like. 15. ... you view a major earthquake as an opportunity for a close- in dark-sky star party. 16. ... you welcome (and have even considered instigating) power outages, but only if they occur on clear moonless nights. Thanks goes to: Randy Muller ) Jay Reynolds Freeman ) Stephen Tonkin ) AND... http://www.open.hr/space/space/jokes.phtml happy days and... starry starry nights! -- Tender is my love for thee Oh star so close at hand, Warming those so dear to me As we lay on the sand... It's so easy to believe In all this beachin' fun, That some day you and i will be-- Altogether one. Paine Ellsworth |
#4
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Thanks folks - it's great to see some clean humor for a change....
"Carusus" wrote in message ... Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson are going camping. They pitch their tent under the stars and go to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night, Holmes wakes Watson up: "Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you deduce." Watson says, "I see millions of stars and even if a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth, and if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life." Holmes replied: "Watson, you idiot, somebody stole our tent." |
#5
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Thanks folks - it's great to see some clean humor for a change....
"Carusus" wrote in message ... Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson are going camping. They pitch their tent under the stars and go to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night, Holmes wakes Watson up: "Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you deduce." Watson says, "I see millions of stars and even if a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth, and if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life." Holmes replied: "Watson, you idiot, somebody stole our tent." |
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