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CNN CONFIRMS ED CONRAD LEGALLY INSANE



 
 
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Old April 28th 13, 03:31 PM posted to alt.gossip.celebrities,sci.astro,talk.politics.misc,alt.radio.talk,alt.fan.madonna
Preston Duquene[_2_]
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Default CNN CONFIRMS ED CONRAD LEGALLY INSANE


For those who unfortunately might've missed it, here's
a partial transcript of Ed Conrad's special appearance
on Piers Morgan Live on CNN last night.

============================

PIERS MORGAN: Ed, you're the first person without a brain
that I've ever interviewed, except for George Walker Bush.
How does it feel?

ED CONRAD: Great, Pierre! I'll never be convicted of murder
because, without a brain, I'm legally insane. Actually, I can get
away with anything, including shoplifting at Wal-Mart.
.
PIERS: Ed, I understand that the Scientific Establishment refused
to accept the donation of your brain for scientific research or to
put on permanent dispay at the Smithsonian. Any comment?

ED: See, Pierre, there are a lot of longtime employees at the
Smithsonian who are either brain-dead or brainless. I suppose
Secretary Wayne Clough didn't want to make any of them jealous.

PIERS: I understand, since you were quite depressed by their
rejection, you became the very first person ever to try and auction
off his brain on eBay.

ED: I really love money, Pierre, and the more the merrier. I knew it
would turn me into Brussels Sprouts and a few other veggies but at
least I knew I'd die with a nice healthy bank account. Unfortunately,
there were no bids.

PIERS: Ed, why do you continually post a long list of news agencies
and newspapers taking up precious computer resources and making
our great nation more susceptible to overthrow by ferin powers?

ED: Because I'm a freakin' jerk, Pierre. Some say it's because my
brain is a little too close to my assh*le.

PIERS: Ed, please be honest. Do you have ANYONE in your corner
after 31 1/2 years?

ED: Who gives a sh*t? Pierre. I'm right and the evolutionists,
atheists and Manchurian Candidate college graduates are dead
wrong with their belief in man's evolution. Someday they'll be sorry,
when they have a pitchfork stuck in their rectum.

====================

"God Bless America" music can be heard faintly in the background
as Piers Morgan shows his millions of viewers photos of mind-boggling
fossils -- some human -- that Ed Conrad has discovered between coal
veins.

PETRIFIED HUMAN REMAINS INSIDE COAL
SEAMS MEANS EVOLUTION PURE CRAP

http://www.edconrad.com/pics/FINGERSx.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/OldestHumanSkull.JPG
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/z11calv.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/Skullx.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/skullb.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/SkullBoulderSide.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/z8femur.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/FOSSILS08/HumanFemur.jpg

http://www.edconrad.com/pics/newtibia.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/HumanJaw3.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/TestResults.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/FirstDiscovery.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/OldestTool.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/MoreFossils.jpg

http://www.edconrad.com/pics/InSlate3.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/InSlate2.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/InSlate11.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/GallBladder1.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/GallBladder2.jpg

http://www.edconrad.com/pics/GallBladdery.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/Scorpion.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/PetrifiedPP.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/newtibia.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/HumanJaw3.jpg

PIERS: HOLY ****, Ed! Where did you find these incredible
evolution-destroying fossils that beat the living daylights out
of Charley Darwin and his Theory of Evolution?

ED: Please keep this confidential, Pierre, but here's a map showing
spectacular cross-section of anthracite veins beneath Mahanoy City,
Pa., where they wereI found.

The most golden rule of geology is that coal was formed a minimum
of 280 million years ago, meaning that man, in almost our present
form, had inhabited the earth eons before Charlie and his Pied Piper
evolutionists claim we evolved from sardines.

The century-old mining map confirms, beyond all reasonable doubt,
that an asteroid, meteor or comet had struck the earth and offers the
undeniable physical evidence of a catastrophe that boggles the mind.

(Piers shows viewers the maps while Ed informs them that they can
click on some of the photos to make them a lot larger.)

THE ANATOMY OF A CATACLYSM
"Oh, the Humanity"

http://www.wretch.cc/album/show.php?...472383101&p=61

http://www.wretch.cc/album/show.php?...472392315&p=62

http://www.wretch.cc/album/show.php?...472383097&p=63

=============================

PIERS: Ed, you're definitely not an idiot as the Pseudo-scientists
say. You're a freakin' genius like Copernicus, Galileo, Edison,
Einstein and Immanuel Velikovsky.

ED: I agree!

PIERS: Ed, is it true that you're also quite a poet?

ED: If I were humble, Pierre, I would say No. But being honest,
I can tell you honestly that INDEED I am. In fact, I just happen to
have two of my poems with me on these large cardboard signs
aside my chair so everyone can enjoy them. Let me recite this
one for your audience.

BALLS OF FIRE
Ed's dead, you said!
I hope it's true!
It's time for celebration.
He's squeezed our balls
'Til black and blue
And I've run out of medication.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedi...otum071007.jpg

PIERS: Pretty damn good, Ed! I'd say you're way better than Ogden
Nash. Now how about reciting your other poem for our viewers.

COPS AND ROBBERS
The pseudos, their interests so vested
And Poor Truth, for too long molested.
Their deceit and deception
Near the point of perfection
If it were my call, they'd ALL be arrested

==================================

PIERS: Folks, we've almost have run out of time. But we'd like to hear
from at least one telephone caller with a question or comment.

Hello, Las Vegas, your question or comment, please!

GRUFF MAFIA-LIKE VOICE: If I wanted to see fundamentalist
crap, or fellow fundamentalists jerking each other off, I'd have
watched "American Morons." Sprout your crap somewhere else,
you idiots.

The program winds down as Piers shows an exclusive video
of Ed Conrad beating Evolution, a dead horse.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MjoMQJf5vKI

=========================

MAN AS OLD AS COAL

http://groups.google.com/group/alt.g...09ed3b4f7a7647
and
http://www.edconrad.com

PROOF OF LIFE AFTER DEATH

http://www.edconrad.org

"We can forgive a child
who is afraid of the dark.
The real tragedy of life
is when men are afraid
of the light." -- Plato

(and)

"You're not only fighting the man
in the ring, Ed. You're also fighting
the referee and the three judges."
-- Clayton Lennon, philosopher
 




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