1 minute play: "Relative G"

1 minute play: "Relative G"

G_D: Welcome to heaven. Mankind has destroyed itself by war but I'm
giving you a chance to change it in this time machine.

(Andrew pointing at Brian)
ANDREW (meekly): But I'm an artist. He's the scientist.

G_D (angrily): I'm still putting you both back in turn 5 years into
the past.

(BRIAN falling to his knees)
BRIAN: Will I be given a lab?

G_D: You'll have complete control of the world.

(BRIAN rises from his knees)
ANDREW: So how do we stop the end?

G_D (imperiously): Know this. Some of my creations use atomic
explosions to fly between my stars.

(Exit stage ANDREW. Lights off/on or gong sounds to indicate five years
later)

G_D: Welcome back.

(BRIAN falling to his knees)
BRIAN: I failed.

G_D: Why?

(BRIAN rises from his knees)
BRIAN (imperiously): The speed of light barrier. Immense G forces!
Cannot be overcome by our best theories.

(Exit stage G_D. Lights off/on or gong sounds to indicate five years
later. Enter stage ANDREW. ANDREW carries in one hand an empty but
clean regular-size food tin-can)

(BRIAN hugs Andrew)
BRIAN: How did you do it?

ANDREW (casually): I commanded the first ever atomic explosion in
space.

BRIAN: Didn't it destroy the satellites?

ANDREW (hesitantly): 90%

BRIAN: Heavens above! What next?

ANDREW: I told the scientists to test again and the last 10% fell.

(ANDREW hands the empty tin can to BRIAN)
ANDREW: Straight away I said put this bang in a tin-can.

(BRAIN revolving the tin-can in his hands and peering into the empty
interior)

BRIAN: They understood?

ANDREW: Yes, we made a 50 tonne tin-can.

(BRAIN clasps with both hands ANDREW'S shoulders)
BRIAN: It worked?

ANDREW: No, it splintered into a million pieces.

(BRAIN releases ANDREW'S shoulders and stands back a bit)
ANDREW: I said to them make me one more but weighing ten thousand
tonnes.

(BRAIN speaks while throwing his hands into air to gesture absurdity)
BRIAN: Rubbish! That's too heavy to put into space.

(ANDREW speaks while opening and showing both palms to the audience)
ANDREW: So I asked the astronauts to assemble it in orbit.

(BRIAN stands on tiptoes and moves the tin-can in an arc at full
stretch)
BRIAN: Eureka!

(ANDREW gesturing a shooting star or fast car movement with one hand
- Grease Lightning parody style)
ANDREW: Upon detonation the tin-can left our solar system.
END