How can I find what I'm looking for?

I am a struggling amateur trying to find my way around the night skies.

I have a Skywatcher 130P (130mm reflector) and a reasonable pair of 10x50
binoculars. My recognition of objects and constellations is improving but I
am finding it hard to recognise things in my scope.

For instance, I am pretty confident that I can locate M81 and M82 with the
binoculars (I can't see any details - just two points of light where I would
expect them to be), I use the plough to help me locate these. When using the
scope however I can't find them! Because of the equatorial mount I can't
follow the alignment of certain stars to point me in the right direction.

Am I doing something wrong here or is it just the matter of experience?

Also I've recently attempted to collimate the scope - previously when I've
de-focused on stars the surrounding rings were greatly to one side - these
are now central. However the number of rings varies greatly depending on
over focus / under focus - I'm not sure the rings are perfectly round
either! Have I collimated incorrectly?

Any help is greatly appreciated.

Many thanks

Steve