OT- A bold plan for Mideast peace

Our problem is basically that we haven't been thinking "outside the box"
as they say.
Tonight, on "Sixty Minutes", Dan Rather interviewed the President of
Iran, Mr. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, regarding the presence of Israel in the
mideast, and how all true Moslems must battle against this infringement
on Islamic lands.
The Iranian President further suggested that if such a Jewish nation was
to be established in the world in the aftermath of the Holocaust, it
should have been established in either the United States or Europe- not
in Palestine.
Okay, let's run with that idea.
The total population of Israel is around 6,352,117 according to the CIA
Factbook on nations:
https://www.cia.gov/cia/publications...k/geos/is.html
In comparison to that figure, the total population of the United States
is around 298,444,215 according to the same source.
In other words, the total population of Israel is only around 4.6% of
the entire United States population.
I'm pretty sure we could absorb a 4.6% increase in our total population
without major threat, particularly if that 4.6% of total population gain
consisted of some of the most literate and well-educated people on the
face of the planet.
So here's my Grand Schemata: the entire population of the nation of
Israel must be encouraged to immigrate to the United States at the
earliest opportunity.
This shall accomplish many things in one fell swoop:
1.) The United States shall no longer serve as a lightning rod in
regards to any problems between the Israelis and their Arab neighbors,
with resulting terrorism on United States soil.
2.) Further economic aid to Israel can be eliminated from the federal
budget, thereby saving us between two and four billion dollars a year.
3.) Palestinians can now have their nation, and figure out what exactly
_they_ can do with that much desert wasteland given a chance.
4.) The Moslems could now get back to their great historical and
theological business- debating who should have truly taken up the mantle
of Mohammed as the sole leader of Islam, and killing each other over
anyone who doesn't see it that way.
5.) The west could get back _our_ historical and theological business-
debating how best to screw with the Islamic brain in an attempt to get
oil at the lowest prices, and turn the above two groups of Islam against
each other.
6.) Israel shall now have its historical capital back, and rebuilt in
the Promised Land Of Milk And Honey; i.e. Beverly Hills.
7.) Being that the Israelis were the first people who came up with the
brilliant concept of tossing their God into a gold-covered suitcase with
two Cherubim on top, and getting the hell out of town when the going got
bad, a new venue for the continuing history of Judaism should be a great
inspiration to new stories for the Midrash.
See them now, parting the East River, and fleeing from the hard bondage
of Manhattan's Fifth Avenue with the chariots of the ad executives in
hot pursuit, to their time of wandering around in Queens till they can
hail a cab.
Which might take up to forty years. :-)

Pat

On Mon, 14 Aug 2006 01:02:01 -0500, Pat Flannery wrote:

Tonight, on "Sixty Minutes", Dan Rather interviewed the President of
Iran, Mr. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, regarding the presence of Israel in the
mideast, and how all true Moslems must battle against this infringement
on Islamic lands.

I didn't see the show, but I think you meant to say Mike Wallace, not
Dan Rather. Dan doesn't work there anymore.

Dale

Dale wrote:


I didn't see the show, but I think you meant to say Mike Wallace, not
Dan Rather. Dan doesn't work there anymore.



You got me! It was indeed Wallace, not Rather.
I'm still working out the details of the Big Plan though.
A key to it is convincing the Israelis that the United States is their
actual homeland, and Moses took a wrong turn while out in the desert
(since he took forty years to march them a few hundred miles, I assume
he took a lot of wrong turns; either that, or he started following the
wrong cloud with disastrous results).
In this regard, the Mormon belief that Native Americans are the Ten Lost
Tribes of Israel may prove most useful; whereas I don't really expect
the Israelis to buy this whole concept, it will give them a reasonable
excuse to high-tail it out of the Mideast to greener pastures on this
side of the Atlantic without loss of pride, and I see the Native
American casinos being put on far firmer and well regulated financial
ground as a result.
I am also fairly sure that bison chew their cud, and Kosher Bison On Rye
could become a new taste sensation that would rapidly gain favor at
delis near these casinos.
Any doubt about the kosher aspect of bison can be quickly eliminated by
merely looking at one's face:
http://www.vetmed.wisc.edu/dms/fapm/...05-buffalo.jpg
You will note that this creature is bearded, and does not cut the hair
at the corners of its head. It might as well be wearing a Yamaka. If
Michelangelo's sculpture of Moses is to be believed, the horns may also
be highly significant:
http://www.onlinekunst.de/maerz/img/...chelangelo.jpg

Pat

On Mon, 14 Aug 2006 09:32:18 -0500, Pat Flannery
wrote:

A key to it is convincing the Israelis that the United States is their
actual homeland, and Moses took a wrong turn while out in the desert

[Insert scene of Bugs Bunny as Moses, and Daffy Duck as Joshua]

OM
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OM wrote:

On Mon, 14 Aug 2006 09:32:18 -0500, Pat Flannery
wrote:



A key to it is convincing the Israelis that the United States is their
actual homeland, and Moses took a wrong turn while out in the desert



[Insert scene of Bugs Bunny as Moses, and Daffy Duck as Joshua]



How about Elmer Fudd as Pharaoh: "You have to be vewy quiet, I'm hunting
Hebwews." :-)

Pat

On Mon, 14 Aug 2006 17:07:02 -0500, in a place far, far away, Pat
Flannery made the phosphor on my monitor glow in
such a way as to indicate that:

A key to it is convincing the Israelis that the United States is their
actual homeland, and Moses took a wrong turn while out in the desert



[Insert scene of Bugs Bunny as Moses, and Daffy Duck as Joshua]



How about Elmer Fudd as Pharaoh: "You have to be vewy quiet, I'm hunting
Hebwews." :-)

Now *that* made me laff.

In article , Pat Flannery
wrote:

OM wrote:

On Mon, 14 Aug 2006 09:32:18 -0500, Pat Flannery
wrote:



A key to it is convincing the Israelis that the United States is their
actual homeland, and Moses took a wrong turn while out in the desert



[Insert scene of Bugs Bunny as Moses, and Daffy Duck as Joshua]



How about Elmer Fudd as Pharaoh: "You have to be vewy quiet, I'm hunting
Hebwews." :-)

It's wabbi season.

--
David M. Palmer (formerly @clark.net, @ematic.com)

On Mon, 14 Aug 2006 09:32:18 -0500, Pat Flannery wrote:

I'm still working out the details of the Big Plan though.
A key to it is convincing the Israelis that the United States is their
actual homeland, and Moses took a wrong turn while out in the desert

If memory serves, at the time of the creation of the modern Israeli state,
there was a proposal to locate it in what is now Uganda. Obviously, it
didn't win out.

I think your Big Plan needs Big Tax Incentives. Maybe a catchy slogan,
like "Sure, you had to render unto Caesar what was Caesar's, but you
don't have to render anything unto us". I might be mixing up my Testaments
a bit...

American casinos being put on far firmer and well regulated financial
ground as a result.

Obviously, ridding you of stereotyping is futile, Pat

Dale

Dale wrote:





If memory serves, at the time of the creation of the modern Israeli state,
there was a proposal to locate it in what is now Uganda. Obviously, it
didn't win out.



COMRADE! The Great Helmsman Stalin creates a Jewish homeland!:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jewish_Autonomous_Oblast
http://www.crwflags.com/fotw/flags/ru-yev.html
http://www.eao.ru/eng/
Advantages of immigration of Birobidzhan's Jews (all 2,327 of them) to
Las Vegas:
1.) Winter climate better. In summer, "air conditioning" doesn't consist
of block of ice with windmill driven electric fan blowing on it.
2.) Still close proximity to Chinese culture if one works at WalMart.
3.) Less chance of being eaten by tigers as long as one stays away from
Siegfried and Roy's shows. :-)

Pat

On Mon, 14 Aug 2006 00:23:14 -0700, Dale wrote:

I didn't see the show, but I think you meant to say Mike Wallace, not
Dan Rather. Dan doesn't work there anymore.

....And we're rather glad he doesn't.

OM
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] OMBlog - http://www.io.com/~o_m/omworld [
] Let's face it: Sometimes you *need* [
] an obnoxious opinion in your day! [
]=====================================[