WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, August 2005

Forwarded to alt.astronomy:


Friendly Neighbourhood Vote Wrangler wrote:
The time has come to announce the winners of the August 2005 Usenet Kook
Awards.

*ahem*


KOOK OF THE MONTH

The winner is... GERALD NEWTON!

Gerald Newton . . . . 15
Warhol . . . . . . . 9
Brad Guth . . . . . . 8
none of the above . . 0

Congratulations, G-dolf! Another overwhelming victory for the Usenet Gangs
that live inside your head.


CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH

The winner is... SYLVIA SULLIVAN!

Sylvia Sullivan, alias corinne . . 17
alt.astronomy saucerheads . . . . 9
MCP . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3
none of the above . . . . . . . . 0

Congratulations, Psylvia! MY RESPONSE: HAVE YOU "WORKED" OUT THAT I'M NOT
CHADWICK "STONE" YET? - FNVW, USENET GANG "MEMBER".


COWARD OF THE MONTH

The winner is... GERALD NEWTON!

Gerald Newton . . . . . . . . . . 15
Mark Ferguson . . . . . . . . . . 10
Donald L Ferrt, alias aozotorp . . 3
none of the above . . . . . . . . 1

Congratulations, Geraldine! All your sockpuppets are cowards too.


GOLDEN KILLFILE

The winners are... ALT.FLAME.******S!

alt.flame.******s . . 16
Mark Ferguson . . . . 7
Uni . . . . . . . . . 4
William J Wolfe . . . 3
none of the above . . 2

Congratulations, nutless nazis! Now get back to soc.men where you belong.


VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN WEIRD SCIENCE AWARD

The winners are... the KANSAS BOARD OF EDUCATION!

Kansas Board of Education . . 16
Ian of soc.men . . . . . . . 9
neither of the above . . . . 3

Congratulations, hillbillies! Tell me, what drugs was the Intelligent
Designer taking when he designed you?


GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY

The winner is... SYLVIA SULLIVAN!

Sylvia Sullivan, alias corinne . . 22
Moris . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4
neither of the above . . . . . . . 2

Congratulations, Psylvia! How's the campaign to rid Usenet of posters you
disagree with going?


BOB ALLISAT MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER

The winners are... SOC.MEN!

The Revd . . . . . . . . 6
soc.men . . . . . . . . 25
neither of the above . . 4

Congratulations, limpwrists! Have you finished fighting over who'll be
moderator of your boys-only tree-fort yet?


BOLO BULLIS FOAM DUCK

The winners are... MICHAEL SNYDER & SOC.MEN!

Yes . . 27
No . . 1

Congratulations to the dumbest group on Usenet, and especially to the
dumbest wannabe moderator!


GOOFY AZZED BABBOON

The winner is... BRAD GUTH!

Brad Guth . . . . . . . . . . . 13
Lightwing, alias his_elect . . . 11
Casper of alt.alien.research . . 3
none of the above . . . . . . . 1

Congratulations, Bradless Jr! Don't forget to reply to this with one of
your incomprehensible borg-rants.


JOSEPH BARTLO PATHETIC ANAL PINEAPPLE AWARD

The winner is... MARK FERGUSON!

Mark Ferguson . . . . . 16
Michael Snyder . . . . . 9
neither of the above . . 2

Congratulations, Fergie! We'll push the award under your bed, where you
seem to be hiding.


SPECIAL OPS CODY MEMORIAL PURPLE HEART

The winner is... JASON PLAWNER, alias jjayboyd!

Yes . . 13
No . . 4

Congratulations, ggayboyd! Your prowess in Kooky Kombat is amazing - I
don't think I've ever seen anybody run away so fast.


TONY SIDAWAY MEMORIAL DRAMA QUEEN AWARD

The winner is... CHUCK LYSAGHT!

Chuck Lysaght, alias the messenjah . . . . . . 22
Russell B Waters, alias The One True Rusty . . 7
neither of the above . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1

Congratulations, chucknozzle! For somebody who's never posted to Usenet,
it's amazing how often you've announced that you're leaving for ever. And
congratulations on your 83rd birthday yesterday. Many lonely, miserable,
minimum-waged returns!


BARBARA WOODHOUSE MEMORIAL DOG WHISTLE

The winners are... SYLVIA SULLIVAN, and her owner... CHADWICK STONE!

Sylvia Sullivan, trained by Chadwick Stone . . 15
Tom Bishop, trained by Michael Cook . . . . . 7
Mark Ferguson, trained by Gary L. Burnore . . 6
none of the above . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1

Congratulations, PSYLVIA! Mr Stone has conclusively proved that a gang
isn't needed to control a kook if one has a good collar and leash.


BUSTED URINAL AWARD

The winner is... GERALD NEWTON!

Gerald Newton . . . . 11
Mark Ferguson . . . . 10
The Revd . . . . . . 9
Rudolf X . . . . . . 2
none of the above . . 0

Congratulations, f0rgerboi! If you want to know how lame you are, just
consider the lameness of the candidates you defeated!


TAR & FEATHERS

The winner is... KENNETH R PANGBORN!

Yes . . 29
No . . 1

Congratulations, KennyKakes! Such perpetual cluelessness is rarely seen.
Still, at least you've learned not to fight with bots. Oh wait...


UNABOMBER SURPRISE

The winner is... SYLVIA SULLIVAN!

Yes . . 28
No . . 1

Congratulations, Psylvia! How many lines of PSCREED will you post in your
acceptance PSPEECH? 100? 500? More?


72 RAISINS CRACKPOT RELIGION AWARD

The result is... A TIE!

Jologicon . . . . . . . 13
Warhol . . . . . . . . . 13
neither of the above . . 2

Congratulations, God! And you too, God! We've provided an escort for your
triumphal entry into Valhalla. What's that?... Yes, the men in the escort
*are* wearing white coats, aren't they?


OFFICE OF DARTH BAWL

The winner is... SYLVIA SULLIVAN!

Sylvia Sullivan, alias corinne . . 15
Gerald Newton . . . . . . . . . . 14

Congratulations, Psylvia! You may be a dismal failure in politics, but at
least you won the All-Alaska Whining Contest.


OFFICE OF VILLAGE IDIOT

The result is... A TIE!

Chuck Lysaght, alias the messenjah . . 15
Kenneth R Pangborn . . . . . . . . . . 15

Congratulations, boys! Apparently you really are as stupid as each other,
but I think I'll let you fight it out again on next month's ballot just to
make sure.


SAEED AL-SAHHAF MEMORIAL OFFICE OF KOOKI INFORMATION MINISTER

The winner is... ALEXA CAMERON!

Alexa Cameron, alias Live From Fascist Amerika . . 17
Brad Guth . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6
Mark Ferguson . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6

Congratulations, Alexa! Has it never occurred to you that the information
the ay-lee-yuns give you to share with us might be lies?


MINISTRY OF CIRCLE JERKS

The winners are... SOC.MEN!

soc.men . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 18
Will Dockery, Chuck Lysaght & Rusty Waters . . 12

Congratulations, Fr00ts! I'm glad to see that the fight over who would be
top fr00t in SMM proved to be just a lovers' tiff.


PIERRE SALINGER MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER

The winner is... SEAN MONAGHAN & SOC.MEN.MODERATED!

Sean Monaghan & soc.men.moderated . . 15
Daedalus . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11
Fred . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4
none of the above . . . . . . . . . . 1

Congratulations to Sean (the first person to win this award three times in
twelve months) and to everybody else who made this outstandingly hilarious
troll possible.


HAMMER OF THOR

The winners are... SEAN MONAGHAN!

Yes . . 27
No . . 2

... and DAEDALUS!

Yes . . 26
No . . 2

...and SHARON B!

Yes . . 24
No . . 4

...and FRED HALL!

Yes . . 24
No . . 3

Congratulations to four exceptionally learned professors of the science of
Kookology!


This concludes the results of the August ballot. Thirty-eight ballot
papers were received, of which three were disqualified (for replying to an
altered ballot, for being unknown, and for being Steve Young). The next
voting period is due to begin on October 1st; until then farewell!
--
alt.usenet.kooks award-winners and FAQ:
http://www.insurgent.org/~kook-faq/