WINNERS! alt.fan.art-bell awards, Spring 2006

MUSIC"Also Sprach Zarathustra"/MUSIC

Ladies and gentlemen, by the authority vested in me by the Overseer of
Kooks & Trolls in AFA-B, I present the winners of the Spring 2006
Alt.Fan.Art-Bell Awards. The envelopes, please.

MUSIC"The X-Files Theme"

ANGSTROM AWARD AND MEDAL

The winner is...NIGHTBAT!

George Hammond..................8
Nightbat of alt.astronomy.......9
Neither of the above............0
Abstain.........................1

Congratulations, Nightbat, Commander of the saucerheads of alt.astronomy!
By the slimmest of margins, your accumulated pseudoscientific announcements
were able to defeat "A Scientific Proof of God." Be sure to inform us
should Darla deign to give you a medal for your accomplishments as well.

CHERNOBYL PRIZE

The winner is...DOLF "QOLON" BOEK!

Dolf "Qolon" Boek..............11
Charles Bohne...................4
Neither of the above............0
Abstain.........................2

Congratulations, Qolon! Tell us again how repeatedly spamming AFA-B, AUK,
and any other froups that happen to be on the newsgroups line with your
screed is an effective tactic for fighting what you see as religious
persecution.

CLEOPATRA AWARD

The winner is...BRAD GUTH!

Jason Z. Gortician..............2
Brad Guth.......................6
Onideus Mad Hatter..............4
Rasta Khan......................5
None of the above...............0
Abstain.........................1

Congratulations, Brad. Your denial of the Apollo Moon landings helped win
you the Angstrom last time and it's won you the Cleopatra this time. I see
that you can get a lot of mileage out this kooky idea. Why don't you tell
us what happens when you put it in your gas tank? That should be good for
another weird science award or two.

DR. POSTMAN'S "STOLEN KIDNEY" AWARD

The winner is...DEAN ROGER RAY AKA TESLACOILS!

Raymond Karczewski..............5
Dean Roger Ray AKA TeslaCoils..11
Neither of the above............0
Abstain.........................2

Congratulations, Dean. Through your repetition of the oldest conspiracy
theories still extant, you managed to beat out AFA-B's most infamous
resident paranoid. That's quite an accomplishment. Your reward for doing
so is to click on this link.

freemasonry.bcy.ca/fiction/comics.html

ED CONRAD "BRAIN OF STONE" AWARD

The winner is...MATT GIWER!

Matt Giwer.....................11
Brad Guth.......................5
Neither of the above............0
Abstain.........................2

Congratulations, Matt. Tell us again why you are still advocating ideas
that went down in flames 61 years ago in the aftermath of V-E Day.

GREEN LANTERN AWARD FOR PROJECTION

The winner is...RICHARD SCOVILLE!

Joseph Bartlo...................4
Honest John.....................3
Richard Scoville................7
Steve "Fly Cooter" Young........3
None of the above...............0
Abstain.........................1

Congratulations, Dick. You've proved to us (tinu) that everything you
complain about on USENET is everything that you do yourself.

SIR ROBIN AWARD FOR BRAVERY

The winner is...RASTA KHAN!

Rasta Khan.....................14
David Tholen....................3
Neither of the above............0
Abstain.........................1

Congratulations, Ru^Hasta. After declaring war on AFA-B and AUK, you
bravely ran away. Say hello to the Giant Chicken of Bristol for us (tinu)!

STEVE WINTER MEMORIAL "STEAMING MOUND OF HYPOCRISY"

The winner is...HONEST JOHN!

Honest John....................10
Jeff Ream.......................2
PSYLVIA PSULLIVAN...............3
Steve "Fly Cooter" Young........2
None of the above...............0
Abstain.........................1

Congratulations, Clockbrain. You managed to convince the voters that the
real Art Deco was right to call you a "false Christian scum."

TINFOIL STAR AWARD

The winner is...RICHARD SCOVILLE!

Richard Scoville...............14
Steve "Fly Cooter" Young........2
Neither of the above............0
Abstain.........................2

Congratulations again, Dick. Your frivolous attempts to LART people are
exceeded only by the number of times your adversaries have been able to
succeed in LARTing you.

THICK AS A BRICK AWARD

The winner is...HONEST JOHN!

Tom "Amadeus Jinn" Bishop.......6
Honest John....................10
Neither of the above............1
Abstain.........................1

Congratulations again, Clockbrain. You managed to beat one of the most
notorious lamers on USENET. Not only are you a hypocrite, you're a dope,
too.

OFFICE OF THE VIAGRA JUNKIE

The winner is...RAYMOND KARCZEWSKI!

Jason Z. Gortician..............3
Professeur Von Two Steps........6
Raymond Karczewski..............7
None of the above...............0
Abstain.........................2

Congratulations, Ray. Against competition so flaccid that both of them
have been declared net-dead, you have defended your office. Enjoy your
next three-month term as the most impotent poaster on USENET!

OFFICE OF THE WICKED WITCH

The winner is...PSYLVIA PSULLIVAN!

Alexa Cameron...................6
PSYLVIA PSULLIVAN...............9
Neither of the above............1
Abstain.........................2

Congratulations, PSYLVIA. Without making a single appearance, you managed
to hold your office in a rematch against a prolific campaigner. Your new
constituents must lurve you. If only you had been as successful in your
election in meatspace. you'd have learned the benefits of incumbency years
ago.

OFFICES OF KARCZEWSKI, WOLLMANN, & STAPLETON, ATTOURNEYS AT FLAW

The winner is...RICHARD SCOVILLE!

Dolf "Qolon" Boek...............4
Raymond Karczewski..............3
Richard Scoville...............10
None of the above...............0
Abstain.........................1

For the third and final time this season, congratulations, Dick. You are
the BIG W(h)INNER of the Spring 2006 AFA-B awards. You also managed to
unseat the incumbent from the office named after him. That's such an
upset, you might have to be made a partner.

/MUSIC

This concludes the announcement of the winners of the Spring 2006
Alt.Fan.Art-Bell Awards. Nineteen ballots were submitted, of which
eighteen were deemed valid.

The next call for nominations will be June 15, 2006, for the Summer 2006
Alt.Fan.Art-Bell Awards. although nominations will be accepted before then.
The next ballot will be posted July 15, 2006, and the announcement of the
winners is scheduled for July 22, 2006. Until then, enjoy!

MUSIC"Happy Trails to You"/MUSIC
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