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STS-107 "Columbia" Joke FAQ

Version 6.66

Updated 2/1/04

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Columbia Shuttle Jokes:

Compiled by "B0b Mosley"



Columbias Theme Song: "I Fall To Pieces".




What does NASA stand for?

Not All Shuttles Arrive



How do you make a shuttle cocktail?

Seven-up, a dash of teachers, and a lump of ice



Whats the difference between the Patriots and the Columbia?

The Patriots made it past New Orleans.



Have you heard that Mattel is bringing out Columbia 7 dolls...

-some Assembly Required.




The Franklin Mint is issuing a Columbia Commemorative Coin Set...

All halves and quarters.




What was the forecast for Ft Worth Feb. 1, 2003?

-Clear, cold with widely scattered bodies and debris.




-Why didnt Superman stop the Columbia from falling out of the sky?

-beCause hes a quadriplegic!



How can you tell the Columbia from the Challeger?

Pieces ofthe Challener are black and white and scorched.

Pieces of the Columbia are black and white and melted.




They arrested a lady astronauts husband later that month for lewd behavior.

He was walking all over Texas looking for a piece of ass.




How did NASA learn that the crew knew they were in trouble?

They found an ear with a finger in it.




The last city the Columbia passed over was Waco. What does Waco stand for?

What A Cook Out!




Whats black and white and found all over??

The space shuttle Columbia.



They say Columbias left wing fell off...

Sounds like a right wing conspiracy.



What does the Columbia and a penguin have in common?

Theyre both kinda cute, but neither one can fly!




Did you hear that the Columbia Seven are laying in state?

-Yeah - State of Texas, State of New Mexico, State of Louisana...



How are WalMarts and the Columbia alike?

They are both all over Texas.



Say, did you hear that the Columbia astronauts were on the radio?

.. and on the console and on the heat tiles and on pieces of the
wings and on ....



NASA also has serious intentions of making up the next shuttle crew
entirely of third world astronauts.

It seems that they want personnel more accustomed to sudden
population explosion.



Top Secret Experiments conducted on the space shuttle Columbia



1. If you have a sphere of water in zero-g with a goldfish in it and the
goldfish dies, which direction does he float?

2. If you spit fro this high, how long does it take to hit the ground
and what are the environmental impacts

3. How many times can Frank put on his spacesuit and say "Danger! Will
Robinson! Danger!" before his crewmates kill him

4. Can you play tennis using hamsters in zero-g, and does it hurt them

5. Can you pick up the nudie channels on the satellite dish unscrambled

6. How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a
tootsie pop

7. Do you have to be naked to find out what is visible to the naked eye
from space

8. Is it militarily feasible to drop water balloons on enemy targets
from space

9. If you radio back "Houston, we have a problem. Larry has the farts.",
how many engineers will they put on the problem, and will they create
a mockup of the shuttle and have an engineer fart in it

10. Can this baby do a loop on re-entry

11. how long can Japanese people live in an equipment locker with no food
or water.

12. Does the light stay on when you close the cargo bay doors.

13. Can I see my house from here?

14. Does a beer bong work in zero-g?

15. Hold a cat upside down and drop, youll get to see a live
demonstration of that Tazmanian Devil thing from Bugs

16. Is the "deed" as easy to do in space as it looked in "Moonraker?"

17. Find out how long you can look through the Hubble telescope for
10 cents

18. Question: Is there frosted glass on the window of the Space Shuttle
and if so....why, whos gonna look in ?

19. Could Bush and Congressional Republicans agree on a balanced
budget quicker if we placed them on the International space station?

20. DNA testing on alien life forms to help Scott Peterson find the REAL KILLERS !

21. What is the least efficent way to waste taxpayer money, anyway?

22. Condom testing in zero gravity!!

23. Whats the download time for downloading nudie pics from the internet
on the shuttles computer from orbit!!

24. Is being in orbit an appropriate excuse for not filing your income
taxes by April 15th?

25. Say, whats the range on that cellular telephone, anyway?

26. Practicing the, "Picard Manuever."

27. So, what were Michael Jackson and Lisa-Marie Presley really doing in
the bedroom?

28. New world record setting of the most, "Frequent Flyer Miles."




Now - Columbia jokes for Martians:

V guvax gung vg vf fvpx gb znxr n wbxr bire n crefbaf qrngu.

V qbhog gung lbh jbhyq yvxr gnfgyrff wbxrf znqr nobhg lbh be lbhe
ybirq barf qrnguf.



- OM