On Thu, 13 May 2004 14:57:46 -0500, Doug...
wrote:

Yeah, there are a lot of very good small and microbreweries in the U.S.
That may be one reason why there are no large beer brands that feature
really good beers; the high-end beer market is served by the small and
microbreweries, while the big guys (like Anheuser Busch and Miller
Brewing) make their money off the high-volume sales of the weak-ass crap
that Americans like to drink.

....Guys, keep in mind that the sole reason US mainstream beer is
weaker than the rest of the world's brew supply has to do with federal
and state alcohol regulations that keep mass-consumption beer at their
currently FNW alcohol levels. Above a certain level they're required
to be sold in liquor stores under a more controlled environment, and
taxed differently. If beer had twice the alcohol it currently does, it
wouldn't be sold at the supermarket, and would probably cost three
times what it does now.

....Which is why I gave up on beer in 1985 for good, and have had,
IIRC, only three oil cans of Foster's ever since. If I want to drink,
I currently drink only the following:

* Dr. McGillicuddy's Vanilla Schnappes. Mixed one shot with a 12-oz
Coke or Dr. Pepper, it becomes an ice cream float with a kick. Add in
real ice cream and the effect is even more McStaggering!

* Blueberry Schnappes and Mountain Dew. 100ml BS in 400ml of MD
produces the type of shoe dispersal kick that the original Mountain
Dew commericals in 1967 promised but never delivered. I'm serious on
this one, kids. Try it.

* Blue Creme Nehi and Monopolya Austrian Vodka. This is how you
synthesize Romulan Ale, kids. A word of warning, tho: this will turn
your turds blue if you drink more than three or four 500ml mixtures of
this. I'm serious on this one too.

* Johnny Walker Blue, chilled. Expensive as hell - $30/shot last I had
it - but worth it for special occasions. Caveat: once you drink this,
you will never be able to stomach JW Red, Black or Gold again. Ever.

* Pepto-Bismoll. This is a drink I invented that someone claims is
also called a B-52. Bailey's, Butterscotch Schnappes, and Creme De
Almond, all in equal amounts. Looks just like Pepto, and actually does
coat, sooth and relieve. Came about when I was trying to mix a Buttery
Nipple, and was too busy explaining to two gals why they were wrong
about how mating with guys who are losers with no jobs and no futures
is a good thing.

* Radar's Aphrodesiac (AKA Korean Fly). Grape Nehi or any other grape
soda, mixed with Purple Pucker grape schnappes. Caveat: If you burp,
don't burp through your nose, because this *will* burn your mucous
membranes.

* Pina Colostomy. Pina Colada Mix, Malibu coconut rum. Dr.
McGillicuddy's Vanilla Schnappes, Vanilla Ice Cream. Make a shake, but
don't ever try making a malt with this concoction. Caveat: I have
experienced, and known others who've suffered, if you mix this with
low-fat ice cream or some other ice cream substitute, a bad case of
the runs the next morning.

* TGI Enema. Same as a Pina Colostomy, but you replace the PC Mix with
a bottle of that Dreamsickle mix that TGI Friday's sells. Same effect
can be seen under same conditions, and serves as a lesson that if
you're going to eat ice cream, don't try and cheat with the low-fat
crap. Just bite the bullet and use the *real* stuff.

OM

--

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