wrote:

(2) A dwarf planet is a celestial body that (a) is in orbit around
the Sun, (b) has sufficient mass for its self-gravity to overcome
rigid body forces so that it assumes a hydrostatic equilibrium
(nearly round) shape[2], (c) has not cleared the neighbourhood
around its orbit, and (d) is not a satellite.{[3]}

Sounds good to me, though we still need to quibble about what 'mostly
round' means... at some level everything is nonspherical.

My first pass: The difference between the high and low point should be
under X% of the rotation-adjusted radius, and then we can debate what X
should be. 5 may disallow Ceres but 10 probably permits it, and I see
no real a priori reason to favor any particular value.... set X=.1 and
we even rule out Earth.

So we're still confused, but on a deeper level 8)

Confusion is, as confusion does -