Terry Schiavo, an innocent victim of fate, lies dying in a Florida
Hospice. She has done no wrong, created no legal problems for anyone,
and is an insignificant drain on the public purse. Medical experts
agree that she is in a persistent vegetative state and cannot recover
from the brain damage that she suffered 15 years ago.

Ms. Schiavo's husband and legal guardian, Mr. Michael Schiavo, wants
her to die in peace and dignity. Medical experts agree that this is a
humane solution. The courts agree that her husband is acting in
accordance with Ms. Schiavo's stated wishes in making the decision to
allow Ms. Schiavo to die, and that he is legally entitled to act in
this manner.

Ms. Shciavo's parents, Mr. Robert Schindler and Ms. Mary Schindler, and
Ms. Schiavo's siblings, however, are unwilling to accept her death;
they have exhausted every legal and extra-legal means of keeping her
alive, but, by their own admission, remain desparate to do so.

I propose a Compromise Solution which is just and humane. It is that
feeding of Ms. Schiavo, an innocent victim of fate who has harmed no
one and broken no laws, shall be resumed immediately.

At the same time, Ms. Schiavo's parents and blood siblings, who have
caused great pain to this nation, have attempted to abuse and
circumvent the sacred laws of the United States and the sacred and
immutable laws of Nature, and have caused the public purse to be
depleted of millions of dollars in pursuit of their private aims, shall
agree to be put to death immediately.

Ms. Schiavo shall be placed under the guardianship of the Republican
National Committee (RNC), which shall be required to reimburse the
public purse for her medical care to date, and which shall be required,
at its sole expense, to keep Ms. Schiavo alive as long as medical
science permits, even if that term is beyond any normal and reasonable
human life span. Dr. William Frist shall be appointed her personal
physician for the rest of his natural life and beyond, if it is
medically possible to keep his body functioning after his brain has
ceased to function, and if that is not already the case. The RNC shall
reimburse the public purse for the cost of all legal proceedings
undertaken in this instance, to include the cost of implementing this
Compromise Solution. Dr. Frist shall issue medical bulletins on Ms.
Schiavo's condition each day at 12:00 noon in the time zone in which
Ms. Schiavo's person is located, and as early as possible, but not
later than one hour, after the discovery of an improvement in Ms.
Schiavo's condition.

The RNC shall be the sole authority licensed to use Ms. Schiavo's
likeness on campaign posters (and you can bet that plans for that are
already underway) and may transport Ms. Schiavo's person as it deems
appropriate for display in political campaigns. In the event of Ms.
Schiavo's death, which shall be certified by an impartial board of
qualified moral and medical experts consisting of George W. Bush, Jeb
Bush, and Dr. Frist, the remains of Ms. Schiavo shall become the
property of the RNC, and the RNC shall be the sole authority licensed
to use said remains in political campaigns, subject to local sanitary
regulations. Likewise, the likenesses and remains of the parents and
siblings of Ms. Schiavo shall become the property of the RNC, and the
RNC shall be the sole authority licensed to display said likenesses and
remains in political campaigns, subject to local sanitary regulations.
The collective estates of the deceased members of the family of Ms.
Schiavo shall in no way be encumbered or garnished for the payment of
the medical or legal expenses related to this instance. Instead, the
net proceeds of these collective estates shall be divided in equal
portions between the Hemlock Society and Mr. Michael Schiavo.

The RNC shall be the sole beneficiary of any and all profits gained
from the public display of Ms. Schiavo's likeness or remains, or of the
likenesses or remains of any of her family members who are deceased
pursuant to this Compromise Solution.

Finally, under the terms of this Compromise Solution, Mr. Michael
Schiavo shall be granted a divorce a vinculo matrimonii if he so
desires.

I'm Davoud and I approved this message. I would venture to guess that
not everyone who reads this will approve.