'Observing Clubs We'd Really Like To See'
S.J. Saber

THE CRYOGENIC DEEP-SKY CLUB
Participants must observe any 100 NGC objects during the
months of December and January in temperature not exceeding
-5 F (wind chill optional). At least 25 of these observations must
be made with no sensation or feeling in your fingers or face.
Projects also include making snowangels with your Dob and
sketching a friend's tongue frozen to your optical tube. Pin a
note to your chest instructing paramedics not to revive you
with paddles- remember, no electronics are allowed.

THE ANT-BURNERS CLUB
Amaze neighborhood children with the true destructive powers
of your scope. Requirements include partially, annularly, and
totally frying 50 insects with your finder scope. At least 10 of
these should be from the arachnid order. Sketches should be
made in gory detail and include smoke plumes. Note the elapsed
time and solar angle of all annihilations.

THE AMAZING STORIES CLUB
The list of audacious claims is endless. To qualify for this
certificate you must visit a minimum of ten starparties and
collect the top 3 Amazing Stories from each. Note the date, time,
sky conditions, and expressions of disbelief from those listening.
Don't leave the party without interjecting your own fantasy
observation, each time adding a couple tenths of magnitude to
your LVMs.

THE GO-TO CLUB
No observations required. Participants need only mail the purchase
receipt of their Go-To scope or accessory to the program
coordinator to receive this certificate. Congratulations! You can
now proudly show everyone that you have no idea how to aim a
scope. Projects for those wishing to receive the certificate and pin
include shooting fish in a barrel and walking on the Earth's surface.

THE IDA VIGILANTE CLUB
Using rocks, slingshots, or automatic weapons, amateurs are
encouraged to extinguish a minimum of 25 pesky streetlights in
their neighborhood. With each conquest, make sure to note the
location, time, weapon of choice, and police activity in your area.
A commemorative pin is available for those eliminating 100 or
more stray light sources or an entire Wal-Mart parking lot.
If arrested, hold strong to your belief that you were only acting in
self-defense against the harmful, misdirected photons.

(reprinted from The Reflector Newsletter
PAC, Rock Island, IL)